BibleBoy's Blog

Mice have expensive taste

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 22:58:00 +0000

Some people think that mice will just eat any old garbage but the truth is that they have a very expensive taste. Apparently gasoline is a very sweet taste to them and our cars have this amazingly tasty treat. Thankfully, mice are very good at chewing because if not, how would they be able to get through those thick rubber hoses in our cars that hold this bountiful treat?

This morning I went out to the Honda and threw everything in it to leave but when I went to get in the driver's side there was a nice little puddle of water on the floor.... I decided that with the rain and wind from the tropical storm coming through I should probably take the Grand Vitara today anyway. When I started the car I could smell gas really strong but it eventually went away -- or so I thought. This whole morning I had been feeling kind of out of it. Finally my customer and I decided to go to lunch and I drove.... he got a headache from the fuel smell so when we got back to the data center I popped the hood with the car running and saw gas spraying all over the passenger side of under the hood. Thankfully the fuel line that was spraying the fuel was right on top so I took it off and after looking at it it was very evident that a mouse had decided to have a feast on my fuel line. The problem is fixed now but I thought this was an interesting story to share.

Does anyone have any tips on keeping this type of thing from happening again?

Prayer Needed

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 05:40:00 +0000

I could really use some prayer right now. As much as I don't want to have to admit it I am really falling into a deep depression and I have absolutely no support system. These are really hard things for me to admit because I like to think I was over this and I'm scared that ill end up back in 2003 and 2004 but I need to face the facts and admit I'm headed in that direction and I have no source of encouragement.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Where am I?

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 02:34:00 +0000

It's been a hell of a couple of weeks and it's not looking like its getting better anytime soon. I know I have been unresponsive to a lot of people recently and I do apologize for that. Currently I am finding it very difficult to keep up with my work load. This is, for the most part, a good thing. While that is true from the business stand point my body has been begging to differ for quite some time. Yesterday was my first day off in a while and I literally slept all day. I got home somewhere around 5:30am Sunday Night and the next thing I remember is waking up around 3pm. I remember getting a bottle of water and starting something off of my PVR but the next thing I remember is waking up at 4:30pm..... and then the next thing I remember is waking up at 6:30pm and realizing that I needed to be at the firehall at 7:30 for the membership meeting. The membership meeting went well and it also marked the end of my probationary period and they voted me in as a full member. I'm still trying to get into Loudoun County's fire "academy" because its really the only one that semi-fits my schedule and since its in Leesburg it's only a town over from the data center so I can make it to the data center before and/or after class. If they have room I will start that next month. Once I complete that (which would end in December or January), I will then be a certified firefighter and will be able to enter buildings, etc.

The week ahead of me is just as busy as last week. My one customer is still progressing in their move from one Equinix facility to another and that's been consuming a lot of my time. My other customers have had a steady flow of tickets as well and, thus, I am still behind. If this keeps up I may be hiring someone a lot sooner than I had ever dreamed. I guess this is a good thing but I really could use a vacation.

Saturday I went to the Prince William County Fair with Sophie and Amber and that was really a good time to relax. I had a little bit of a rough time in missing my sisters.... that may sound odd but it was always a big deal when my sisters went to a fair or an amusement park and since I've moved to Virginia we haven't been able to do any of that at all..... I actually havent even made it to a park myself. The highlight of the whole day (and maybe my month) was that I took Amber on the Merry Go Round before we left. Seeing her smile was.... well, it was just awesome. At first I was afraid that she was getting scared and when the gears settled on the horse she was on and the horse jumped I was bracing for a scream.... she looked conerned for a brief second and then she just started laughing..... she loved it.... and I loved it.

Please keep me in your prayers. There has been a lot on me and it looks like there will continue to be.

Improvising Life

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:48:00 +0000

I find it a very interesting thing that the root of any kind of Improv group is this concept of agreement. Tonight I listened to the first part of "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell which is a book that I would highly recommend to anyone. A chapter covered an improv group in a lot of detail and used many examples of this agreement concept. While the outsider believes that improv is pure chaos there are actually some very important rules of conduct that are vital to sucess. The most important of these is that you can not turn down anything that is suggested. The example used in the book was a skit where a doctor and paitient were discussing a problem with his arm. The paitient said "you can't amputate it. I'm rather attached to it" and in the next line the idea was shot down and the skit abruptly ended. The basic reason for this is that there is a need for a smooth flow of ideas and improv is constantly working with what you got and when your in a live performance you simply can not take something back. It is crucial to go with the flow and to build upon what was done and let the ideas of each person involved in a skit to flow uninterupted. This is a very small description of the rule of agreement.

Recently I had a phone conversation with a friend of mine that scared me in that I saw so much of myself in this person from a dark time of my life and I realized that the majority of the things this person had been doing that upset me were completely justified in their mind and in the same state of mind I would have responded much the same way. Perhaps scared isn't the proper word but startled would be a better description of the way I felt. Realizing that this friend of mine has been trapped in a position with their hands tied and not being able to do what they believed they needed to do and then thinking about the situations that I went through 4-5 years ago in my life made me realize the similarities were overwhelming and realized that, while things did need to change, I could not fault this person for the reactions they had to many different things. This added to the desire to understand what it was that made me better a little over 3 years ago which I explained in an earlier blog. I think this concept of agreement helped answer at least a small portion of that.

At the end of 2004 I was undergoing some different treatments through Western Psychiatric in Pittsburgh, PA. On of these was a program that was based upon the research of Marsha Linehan. Just a few days ago I was reminded of her concepts from a podcast that I listened to, Wise Counsel. Listening to the interview was very interesting for me because this was looking at what I went through as a paitient from the eyes of the psychologist and the concepts became a lot more real to me. The most important concepts in the program I went through was "it is what it is".... The example that I remember the clearest was the story of a boy on a bike who is going down a hill and is out of control. At the bottom of this hill is a very busy intersection and, ultimately, the boy runs into the intersection and is killed. The typical response that everyone has is "that shouldn't have happened" but, in reality, yes it should have. It's not to take light the tragedy that occured because it is devestating. The reason why you can't say that it shouldn't have happened is because of the events that led up to it. The stage was set and it was ultimately what had to happen. Realizing this reduces a lot of stress and anxiety we place on ourselves. If we do not accept the fact that this had to happen because the events led to it then we find ourselves trying to explain why they happened and we start blaming people while our another part of our brain is trying to scream to us that it is not their fault. We don't make anything better when we can not accept what happened and what events led to that. We can look to the future and possibly prevent it from happening again but the bottom line is that what happened is what happened -- it is what it is. It wasn't until I listened to the podcast that I realized that there is an entire field of "acceptance therapy". What is interesting about Linehan's work is that it takes a slightly different approach in that it mixes acceptance therapy with adding some possibility of change but only after you accept that you can't change the past. This is a little deeper than I need to go in to right now so let's just leave it at acceptance therapy.

When I was about 16 it seems that a long series of events happened that really pushed me into situations that I could not control and what made it worse was that many of these were things that were absolutely not fair. Not to take lightly the fact that I made mistakes there were situations where people acted more immature than what I did in response to my immaturity. My life started to go downhill a little more with each step because my motivation was to change that which occured and convince these people of their immaturity. I spiraled more and more out of control because these were just simply situations that could not be changed or improved upon -- the problem was that I didn't know this, or at least I didn't want to know this. I became more and more incapable of accepting things as they were and moving forward regardless. This entire phase of my life is an almost carbon copy of the concepts involved in my friend's current struggles.

So what was it that changed me? Was it this program I went through? Not eactly. Actually, I still don't know but I think the concepts that I learned in the program that I went through were a vital part in whatever it was that made me better. More so, I think other concepts that have already been brought up in the book, "Blink", play a vital role. There was a huge need for my unconscious to be retrained. It was important for me to accept the things that had happened, no matter how horrible they were, and to continue the flow of life. I had to improvise. Its interesting to find that acceptance therapy is becomming well known as a highly effective therapy and I don't think its a huge leap to understand why.

Its interesting that all of these improv comedy groups have had the answer all along. Never deny the fact of something that happened and agree with the other people involved and move forward and build off of each other's ideas. Everything stated in an improv skit needs to be used as a springboard for more thoughts and, in the same way, everything that happens to us in our lives needs to be used as a springboard for the rest of our lives. No matter how bad something was that happened to us we need to accept the fact that it happened to us and we need to move forward. Bad things are going to happen to us and bad people are going to hurt us but if we can not move past that and we obsess on "getting even" it isn't that other person's life that we hurt but, rather, it is our own life that we hurt because we are failing to progress. We refuse to agree that the events that led up to the negative event that harmed us had to end that way and, thus, we hold ourselves back because we are trying to change events that, well, had to happen. The most important part of all of this is to realize that accepting that events happened does not mean we accept that they were right. We need to accept that it is what it is and to move forward from there. If we don't agree then we end up killing this amazing improv show that is called -- life.

How do you use Twitter?

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 23:09:00 +0000

How Do You Use Twitter? from biz stone on Vimeo.

Throwin' Out Tha Wicked

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 23:00:00 +0000

Gosh I hate demons
I rip ‘em in half
Grabbin ‘em
Than I be stabbin em with my lyrical dagger
I’m getting madder like every single minute
Cuz every time there’s trouble demons try to get me in it
Ahhh!!!
There always doin something to try to hold me back
From serving Christ
So I hit ‘em with a spiked bat
Splat!!!
The devils on the ground so I kick him
Cuz this is one Christian that aint gonna be another one of the devils victims
Shake ‘em with my rhyme in the spine
Vengeance is mine sayeth the lord
So I don’t live by the sword
And if you got beef than I leave it alone
Cuz I’m saved to the bone
God is on the throne
He set me free glory hallelujah praise the lord
And now I be hangin demons by they necks with my mic cord
And you can punch me in the lip
But I still won’t quit
Preachin the word of god
So step the heck back cuz I spit
When I be rappin upon the microphone
Cuz I’m a cyclone pelon
T-Bone is the one who be known
For jackin demons with a chrome bar over the head
They keep on beatin him down till they swimming in a pool of red
Then ill spit on him
Laugh at him
And step on him
And let him know I be that redeemed hooligan
The one who’s known to put demons in check
Break they necks
And at the same time catch wreck
So if I see a quija board you know I’m gonna kick it
Cuz I don’t play with sin yo
I’m throwin out the wicked
Throwin out wicked like god (4xs)
All the homies know
Us got the beats and
I got the rhymes
And in my scriptures every single day you know that I climbs a
Little bit higher becuz all of these demons on my trail
And I don’t wanna fail
Cuz the nails went right thru his hands
But some people don’t understand all the pain that he went thru
But what if it happened to you?
What would you do?
If they ripped your dirty nanzas with a cat of nine tails
And stuck a crown of thorns in your held till ya bled
Then drilled your hands and feet to the form of a wooden cross
I thank god that the blood he shed wasn’t lost
They whipped him
Kicked him
Spikes were driven thru his hands and feet
So that I can be forgiven
The blood of Christ was a sacrifice that set me free
So for eternity I wanna be livin in misery
But people swearin hells gonna be fun and games
But wait till the judgment day when everybody’s burnin in the flames
Ahhh!!!
They’ll yell
Cuz hell is a place
Of fire and brimstone where the skin melts off your face
So you best throw the wicked out ya life
Accept his sacrifice
It’ll bring you back to life
But in a whole different place this time
Where there’s no pain sorrow gains getting mugged is a crime
But there will only be streets of golden mansion
And won’t be lunatics like that vato Charles Manson
The only lunatic in all of heaven will be me
I’m jackin demons (speaking in Spanish)
I’m knocking out the devil like Julio Cesar Chavez
Then I’ll kick him in his face till his nose is broke
Blood be flyin everywhere
This fogs from my gun smoke
Cuz I stuck my double barrel down his mouth and I click it
(Gun cock sound) POW!!!
I’m throwin out the wicked
Throwin out wicked like god (8xs)
Straight from the slums
I comes with drums
And beats demons over the head with clubs
Bats brooms sticks chains
I’m going insane
I got no brains
I’m obsessed with slaughtering all these demons everyday
The only way to do that is to get on my knees and pray
Then find the devil and say (speaking in Spanish)
Then spray him with my tag up against the wall like graffiti
I never ever celebrate the day of Halloween
Becuz I’ve been redeemed
My slates been cleaned
I’m throwin out the wicked like the witches of east wick
And when I do that yo it’s more brutal than a Jason flick
Attacking demons like a pit bull full of wool
Cuz I’m the lunatic that escaped from the mental ward
Tying demons to my truck
Than I drags
‘Em down a jacked up freeway while they laying in they body bags
The devil tries to run
But I’m gonna find you
Huh yea
Cuz its through prayer that I bind you
(Crowd yelling)
Ha!!!
You’re bound in the name of Jesus
I’m the hunter
And the devil be the prey
I’m taking out the devil like a renegade
Throwin out wicked like god (till fade)

"Throwin' Out Tha Wicked" by T-Bone

Get FISA Right

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 03:40:00 +0000

www.getFISAright.net

Be there for someone, no matter what

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 12:52:00 +0000

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. --Galatians 6:2

It's often hard to understand what it is that we are accomplishing and I think many leave this life without knowing half of the good that they have done. My 2nd cousin's wife, Becca, had a long fight with cancer and it ended last week when God took her home. She grew up in the same church that we grew up in. I didn't know her like a close friend but we did, of course, know each other. She always was an understanding person and someone that you just wanted to be around. It's quite possible that no one knew just how great of a person she was until last week.

Last night I called my mom to let her know what was going on with me and with my friend who has been dealing with this horrible custody battle and harassment from her ex. It was supposed to just be talking but I ended up in tears at least 3 times. It's a really hard thing when you know you're supposed to be somewhere, and you actually are there, but you just simply don't know how much of the pressure you can take. My mom and I ended up talking about various different things and she told me about Becca's funeral. My mom said that at at least one of the viewings people were lined up the street about 5 blocks.... I'm not talking about cars but people standing in line to go into the funeral home. My mom said that the service was one of the longest she had ever been to because when they asked if anyone had anything to say or share person after person stood up and explained how Becca impacted their life. You have to wonder how much of this Becca actually knew about.

It's continually hard to stay focused on doing good and trying your best to be a good person and being there for others. When these people are hard to deal with thats when they need you the most because everyone else will start giving up. Another thing that my mom and I talked about last night was how years ago I was the person that no one could deal with. I still think back over that time and I realize how much pain I put Tiff through. Sure, Tiff had her problems too but the way that she stood by me in times that I would have shot me had to be extremely tough on her. Ultimately, I don't know if she realizes how much she helped me. I wonder if she realizes that what I was going through was an important thing for me to experience because I believe God was preparing me to help others. I wonder if she knows that it's highly possible that an adorable 2 year old has been powerfully affected by her indirectly. All these people that helped me along the way -- do they realize that I may be impacting people's lives that I wouldn't have been able to if they didn't deal with me. My mom told me how years ago she would read my blog at night and just cry and realize that there was nothing more she could do than pray.... I have to think that in a way my parents are like Abraham and Sarah.... My mom loves kids but she still doesn't have any grandkids. Things just haven't been going in that direction for myself and my sisters.... I guess my youngest sister is the closest since she's getting married soon but sometimes if we focus on what we don't have we totaly lose sight of what we do. If my mom focuses on the fact that she doesn't have grandkids then she misses the fact that, because of her, hundreds of kids are being affected positively. Both my sisters are gymnastics coaches and they impact the lives of toddlers through teens about every day of their lives. One of those sisters is a special education techer in elementary school.... So maybe I don't have a job that is impacting hundreds of children but what I do have is a great friend who has an adorable 2 year old who I adore and she adores me..... and while I miss Eli greatly, I like to think that I did some good in his life..... and the brushings that I have with my other friends that are single mothers.... It's my hope that I have at least been some type of a positive impact on a child's life.

The hardest things that happen are almost always the things that make the biggest impact. More often than not we don't know the impact that we are making but its important that we keep making that impact because we may end up being remembered for more than one generation as "the person who really was there for me" .... or "there for my dad" ... or "there for my grandpap" ......

Dealing with tough times? Don't place blame!

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:46:00 +0000

I think lots of us have these little defining moments in our lives (especially from childhood/teen years) that direct us in a different direction whether we realize it or not and something from that moment sticks with you your entire life. One such moment in my life was in 10th grade when we had a substitute teacher. Not just any substitute but the infamous Mrs. Stewart.... she was probably the most abused substitute but mostly because of her own doing, I think. We got nothing accomplished in that class except I made a perfect paper airplane and sucessfully delivered it to her.... by express air, of course. This landed me in the principal's office which, actually, is the ultimate goal of just about everyone in a class that she is subbing for so this wasn't a punishment but a reward and when I went into the office and they asked who the teacher was they just kind of laughed and said "go ahead and sit over there" .... the office staff knew this was the goal and they, at least seemingly, understood.

There wasn't much to do in the office but listen to the secretaries talk. They started talking about a student (cant remember his name) who was just always extremely polite and caring about people. One secretary said "With all that he has been through it is simply amazing that he is the person he is".... I realized something very important then but I didn't really take it to heart until just a few years ago after I realized that my mistakes with Tiffany were related to the opposite of what this person was doing. Right now I am in a situation where I am watching someone go through the same type of struggle and failing at it the same way that I always did -- a way that this kid in high school learned very early to avoid.

There is no secret that some of us have more pain than others and there are various reasons for why this is the case. We don't know the reasons and we may never know. Another thing that is certain is that there will always be someone there to care for us.... for some people it may only be a single person while others have an entire army. Again, we don't know the reason for this. Regardless of how many people care it is important on how you handle your attitude toward the negative situations that are in your life. The way you RESPOND to a situation means a whole heck of a lot more than WHAT the situation is.

I have had a lot of emotional pain in my life. A lot of it was self-inflicted, I'm sure but there was a good portion of it that was completely out of my control. The reality is that I deal with the same approximate amount of pain now than I did 5 years ago but yet I am handling life a lot better now than back then. I find myself trying to process what it was that changed. Where was the defining moment that my life "got better" even tho I have always been dealing with the same stupid crap that seems to happen in my life. I don't have the answer to this. I know there are a lot of things that happened right around the same time like moving to Virginia, getting a new job, being treated for ADD, etc..... I don't, however, think that these were the biggest influence on things. It leaves me still asking the question of what happened that made things better and what is it that I can do to help someone thats feeling the same way through their time of pain and help them deal with it..... Unfortunately all that I'm learning (first hand) is how much pain that I must have put so many people through during that time. The only thing that I'm leaning towards is that there really isn't anything you can do to help people in this scenario because its something that they need to figure out themselves -- as much as I'd like to be able to fix it for them.

What I've been noticing recently is how much guilt plays a role in the way people operate now. Even looking at the way people drive in Northern VA shows a subtle guilt motivated attitude. If someone pulls out in front of you your instinct is to tailgate them. Justice isn't really being done but I think a hidden motivator is to make sure the person in front of you knows that they screwed up and to make them feel guilty. We're also getting better and better at being a dickhead underneath a calm and collected "its ok" ..... Phrases like "oh, that's ok. It's not like I really cared about the fact that you hit my car and now my family has no way to get around" .... Again, it's the guilt card being played. I think the same type of thought holds true in situations where people are going through an extremely tough time.

Let's, for example, say you called "Joe's Car Shack" about a problem with a car that you bought from them. This car dealership typically has about 600 cars in it's lot and you get the image of a large car dealership. Someone named Joe answers the phone and tells you that he just isn't able to help you.... as a result, you get pissed off and think you're just being bullied by some big car dealership. You hang up the phone but a week later someone tells you about how this guy who runs a car dealership by himself just lost his entire family in a house fire and he's on the verge of bankruptcy. Suddenly, you feel a lot different about the scenario and when he calls you back a few days later and tells you that he actually found a way to help you out, you are completely amazed by the fact that he actually did keep working on a way to take care of his customer despite everything that had been going on in his life. Sure, Joe could have told you all of that on the phone but if he told you all of that, how would you really respond? I imagine not too well.

The problem with being in horrible situations is that we naturally want to tell the world how bad things suck for us right now and basically tell the world to back off because you can't deal with it. What happens when we let this surface is we become tagged as a complainer and/or someone that just simply can not deal with life. The most important thing that we can do in these times where everything is going wrong is accept the fact that there is no one, including ourselves, that can do anything to change the scenario and focus on what is going on in other's lives. If you take the time to find out what is going on in someone else's life rather than complain about your own you very often will find out that you are not alone and you'll find yourself in a conversation that goes both ways and your story gets shared in a positive way because its a two way conversation rather than a one way complaint. What ends up happening is that person that your talking to may talk to someone else and tell them that its amazing how well you're holding things together despite all the crap you are going through. This process may continue and you'll find that you end up with a lot of people that respect you in ways that you never imagined they could but the important thing is that you don't complain about the situation your in because these people have seen you in a light where you are bigger and more powerful than your problems -- which is really the way that we all want to be seen.

Of course none of this directly makes the pain any better but, I suggest, what it does do is prevent a good amount of extra pain being dumped on top of you. Eventually you find that you have a lot of other things to focus on rather than the pain your experiencing and you'll find that you're better able to deal with the horrible situations in your life because you're at least getting a break from them. If you'd rather complain and MAKE people feel bad for you you'll find that it pushes the people that really DO care away and, aside from that, you're focusing on horrible things 24 hours a day which just leads to an endless snowball.

Walk It Off, America

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 16:55:00 +0000

I love this graphic that appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart on July 14th, 2008. It really depicts what is happening in the Republican camp. The stance seems to be that if we ignore the problems, deny the problems, and convince ourselves there never was anything we did wrong then things will get better and we won't be held accountable for them. It seems like Bush and McCain need to go over some AA coursework. The first step in fixing a problem is admitting there is one.

Its ok, there is a plan B. If there is no way to make a problem vanish then we make it look like its not a problem. Recently Bush made a statement saying that Americans are in control of what they spend and the rising gas costs are only helping America because its reducing the amount of driving. Seriously? I guess maybe in his world this is true because he hasn't admitted that there is a problem in the economy so he can't see that no one can afford anything. Jon Stewart put it best by extending this stance and saying that the collapsing mortgage industry is good because its getting Americans to live outside.

People that have known me for a while know that I have been a very strong Republican primarily because of the moral aspect of things but I'm now realizing that the moral card is only played by republicans to get votes. They really aren't doing anything good for morals but, actually, are setting an extremely corrupt moral example in the name of morals. It may be true that the democratic party has no morals either but if I have a choice between bad morals or bad morals in the name of good morals then ill just take the plain old bad morals.

Its also true that I am struggling with Obama's vote for FISA and I'd much rather see Ron Paul in office but when I come back to reality Obama is the only real option against McCain and I think the biggest part of this election is stopping America from continuing this path to destruction.

Thoughts on Viacom

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:26:00 +0000

A friend of mine, @edroberts, posted his thoughts on Google and Viacom to his blog and subsequently received a comment from Viacom. I added a reply to that comment that I wanted to also post to my blog. You can view Ed's post at http://edrobertsblog.com/?p=66

Actually, there are quite a few of us that know it's out there but we are unable to use it in a way that we would enjoy. There are times that we want to take shows on the road or watch them on a machine that may not be compatible with your website. We also don't want to have to go to a website to see if a new episode is available but we want to be able to use an RSS feed and download it into our network so that when we sit down to watch something it's there ready for us.

Let me share my story. I never knew who Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert was until the Net Neutrality debate arose and I caught Jon's clip on youtube regarding that issue. I instantly became a fan and over the next few weeks I became addicted to those shows. I use MythTV for watching shows and I set it up to record every show. A couple months ago Comcast really screwed their subscribers in my area over and as a result I dropped my cable TV service. I've since switched to watching shows off of sites like www.revision3.com because I am able to program my mythtv system to look at their RSS feed and download the show. When I sit down on the couch I grab my remote and can see all of the shows that are ready for me to watch.

Your viewers are all very unique people and they have different habbits and different preferences. The one thing that we all have in common is that we want to enjoy your shows in the way that we like to enjoy TV in our own ways. Requiring someone to watch your show at their computer reduces their attention span and, quite frankly, causes many of them to bail out as soon as the first commercial hits. Now if you put that in a video stream that can be downloaded to a PVR or other device that can be connected to a TV, people are more willing to watch the commercials. I certainly know that I am. The answer is not tying people's hands and telling them how they are supposed to enjoy your content but it's allowing them to enjoy it - period. Three years ago I knew a lot of people that had the stance that music piracy was wrong but after the treatment that we have received from the RIAA I now don't know a single person that respects the legal rights of the music industry simply because the RIAA has abused those rights.

Now, I am not saying that you should not pursue the lawsuits that you think you need to but you have to understand that these clips are introducing your content to people who then start watching the full shows. The majority of the clips on YouTube are just that -- clips. I can certainly understand you fighting full episodes being put on YouTube but the majority of these incidents are not full episodes. Allowing people to view your content in ways that they enjoy only provides you with more viewers.

Another thing that I want to add is that it may not be Google's fault that people don't know about your sites. In fact, people may very well know about the sites and totally despise them. I run MacOS and generally use the Opera web browser. Your sites do not work for me. Occasionally I can open up Safari and watch a show but the performance is less than desireable. The rarity of my visits to your sites are not the result of me not knowing about them but that they just frustrate me more than what I get out of them. Also keep in mind that Google is NOT the internet. Google has shown a good effort in controlling copyrighted material and, in fact, may be doing the best job of any company I've seen so far. Their methods aren't perfect and I can understand your desire to have them strive for perfect but please keep in mind what happened when the music industry shut down Napster -- it pushed everyone somewhere else to get what they wanted and now instead of it being one place that needs to be policed you've got numerous sites devoted to doing exactly what Napster was doing. The closing of Napster encouraged pirates to be more innovative. This is the internet that you are dealing with and no matter how hard you fight there will be people that will continue to break the law. It's a sad truth but its still the truth. Instead of pushing these people more underground why not look for a compromise?

Ultimately it is your copyrights and you are entitled to control those -- that is your right. I would just encourage you not to alienate your viewers by forcing them to play by your rules and watch things the way you want them to be watched because you'll ultimately end up pushing many viewers away and many of us already have a very sour taste in our mouths from the RIAA.

Obama's Last Chance?

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:34:00 +0000

I'm not usually a fan of political pundits but there are some good points in this video. Maybe Obama still has a shot to win me back....

FCC set to punish Comcast

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 08:43:00 +0000

This is perhaps one of the greatest pieces of news that I have heard in a while and may very well be one of the first times that the FCC administration has announced something that is worthy of support. The FCC (especially in this recent administration) has almost always ruled against the interest of the consumer but less than 12 hours ago the FCC Chief announced that he believes Comcast DID violate internet rules and should subsequently be punished. Perhaps the greater excitement of this ruling would be that the FCC may be taking steps to defend Net Neutrality. It is important to note that this proposition has not been voted on but it is expected to pass and be put in to effect.

Read more:

"He's My Son"

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 06:20:00 +0000

I think this song is a prayer for at least one person in everyone's life. It doesn't have to be your son or even a relative and the pain and the trouble that person is experiencing can be anything. This song really touched my heart and brought me to tears as I thought about that person in my life that I would take all of the pain away from if I could.

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there

CHORUS

Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son

"He's My Son" by Mark Schultz

Dear Obama

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 21:49:00 +0000

Dear Barack Obama,

I really want to express a VERY large concern of mine. I have stood behind Obama very strongly and have raised many debates between myself and family and friends. I have been a republican my entire life but this year I have really been encouraging people to vote for Obama because of various reasons but one of these biggest reasons is that I have seen the entire Republican party strip our rights away in the technology fields as well as other areas. I have watched the Republican FCC give more and more rights to cable companies and phone companies allowing a much stronger stronghold on the American public and adding to the fact that the nation that invented the internet is entirely too far behind many other nations when it comes to consumer access to the internet. I have watched our rights be stripped away by laws such as the PATRIOT act. I could continue to go on but I dont feel I need to. The point is that one of the major reasons I support you as a canidate is because I have believed that you are defending our rights in the areas that the majority of the American public isn't paying attention to. I have seen you embrace new technologies and reach the people via Twitter and Facebook. These things mean a lot to me.

It has saddened me, however, that you have voted for immunity for the telecom companies that have been instrumental in stripping us of our rights. The same companies that convinced President Bush to sign an executive order protecting AT&T have now received your vote for them to be granted immunity. To me, this is absolutely appauling and really has me in a debate with myself as to if you are really the best person for the job.

I can certainly understand that there may be benefits to your vote for this immunity but the bottom line is that you have stood against lobbyists in your campaign and you have been really putting your money where your mouth is with regards to not allowing this insanity continue but your vote for this bill has completely ruined my view that you are strong enough to stand for that which is unpopular. This is a huge concern when you have believe you voted for someone who is really interested in defending the rights of Americans and opposing "politics as usual." You have now stood next to McCain and other senators in saying that AT&T and other phone companies should have the right to spy on us if they are directed by a government agency.

I can not express the disappointment I am feeling right now. You have taken away that hope that I had that maybe we had a chance to make things better and that we might actually end up with a president who cares. I can not endorse McCain either because I still believe he is "the lesser of two evils" but I am starting to wonder if I should exercise my right to write-in my vote for president.

Sincerely,
Robert K Mertz

eBay = Braindead

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 03:15:00 +0000

So I closed my account at ebay a while ago because of their hatred of sellers. It's not worth selling any of my old stuff on a site that offers no protection at all to the seller. So anyway, I get this message about letting them know if there was anything that they can do to keep me as a customer...... Here's the email I sent them:

I have to say that I would also like to keep my eBay account
active, however, your recently policy changes have made very clear that
you do not value the casual seller. A few months ago I faced a buyer
who blantantly ignored the terms of an auction I had (and according to
his previous feedback he's done the same thing before). eBay offered no
protection for me, the seller, in this scenario. The only responses
that I received were form letters explaining the policies and that I
could opt to use SquareTrade which costs more than the actual price of
the auction.
As if this wasn't bad enough you recently changed your policy to prevent
sellers from leaving negative feedback for buyers. Now the casual
seller is now not only not protected from buyer abuse but they are also
now no longer able to warn others.
These are very serious issues and I can not continue to use a service
that offers absolutely no protection for me. I would certainly consider
keeping my account open if these policies were reveresed.

So after a week I finally got a response... Are you ready for this?

Dear Robert,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to halting the closure of your
account.

We're glad you decided to stay with us! We look forward to continuing
our successful and fun relationship. Thank you again, and welcome back
to the community!

Sincerely,
Sam B.

eBay Customer Support

W...T...F...
Why should you even bother to read an email from your customer? I mean, you've got them by the balls and they have no other choice so why in God's name would you want to actually CARE about what they have to say? Where did I say that I WANTED to stop the closure of my account?

Oh... maybe it was the successful and fun relationship? *rolls eyes*

Wow I was a mess in 2003

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:52:00 +0000

So since I have been blogging since 2003 and blogs really didn't have tagging back then I decided that I'm going to slowly start working my way through my old posts and tagging them..... Good Lord I was a freaking mess. The most popular tag so far is "tiff" .... Man, I have noooo idea how that girl dealt with me... Well, I don't know how anyone dealt with me but especially her. Now she wasn't such a piece of cake herself at the time but, well.... just if you havent known me long and you think I'm an emotional mess at times now, go back through the archives of this blog and be amazed :)

What I want

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 01:20:00 +0000

There have been a lot of things going on with multiple friendships and with organizations, jobs, and churches that all seem to fall back to a similar theme. They are things that desperately need to be taken control of.

The anxiety issues that I have been having are continuing on but I think it's kind of narrowing down as to what the cause of the majority of the issues are. Its a hard thing to try to understand your purpose but when it seems that your purpose is the opposite of what you are prepared and equipped to be it just makes it a lot harder. Once of the biggest things that I have realized is that I try too hard to be the person that someone wants me to be. This is true for pretty much every human on earth but I think it goes a little over the edge with me because it seems that my compassion for helping people motivates me to be there for someone and to help them with things they need beyond my abilities. In doing this I lose sight of the things that I want and need and I completely lose focus of myself until these anxiety spells start hitting. Sometimes it is very hard for me to remember what it is that *I* need and the things that *I* desire.

Unfortunately with the life that I generally end up living I constantly feel that the things I need and want are asking way too much and I silence myself when I should speak up. It's very hard caring for people in the state they are when they don't have the capacity to care for you back but that is part of compassion. The problem is that when you end up in a situation where its not just that they aren't able to care but its that they don't even desire to respect you. This situation occurs in my life over and over and over again. Why? Simply because I don't stand up for who *I* am and what *I* need.

What do I need?

I need to be loved for who I am and respected for who I am. I am not the perfect person and I'm, quite possibly, one of the worst... but I am me and I try my best. I fail... I fail a lot.

I can't always drop my entire life to help someone but it is going to kill me when I can't. I need to be able to feel appreciated even when I can't do what it is that is asked of me.

I need encouragement.... Lots of it. I try my best to encourage everyone else and I'm often left feeling that I really am not making an impact and that I shouldn't even bother anymore. Most of the time I think I end up talking into the wind... There is no confirmation that I was at least heard.

I need to be told when I am doing something right and/or helpful and not only told when I'm screwing something up. I will certainly screw things up and I do want to be told when I do but if all I'm ever told is when I'm doing something wrong then all I know is that I'm fighting a losing battle and should move on to somewhere that I can actually be making a difference.

I need to be a part of what I am working on. If I really can't be a part of the people or the project then I don't believe that there is anything that I can do that is going to be effective.

I need to be trusted. If I am not trusted then I am not going to feel a part of whats going on and I know for a fact that I am not going to be able to help.

I need cooperation. I can't do anything on my own and even if I could it wouldn't be worth it. If I am fighting for something or working towards something but no one else wants to be part of it then it's a futile effort.

Most of all -- I need people to remember that I am human and that there is a good chance that the things I am dealing with elsewhere are probably much larger than what you know -- in fact, I can pretty much assure you of that because I try, often too hard, to hide what is going on with me for the sake of the person I'm trying to be there for or the project I am working on. Even if I do manage to help in some minor way it does not mean that I am superhuman.

Out of Whack

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 09:20:00 +0000

I'm seriously worried about my health. Along with my emotional struggles ive been going through my body is just all out of whack. I've always had a small tremor but recently I've been shaking uncontrolaby. I'm cycling through periods of not being able to eat and being starved and I'm craving sugar a lot which is really weird for me. Ice been having bad neck pains and lots of headaches. I've always had sinus issues but to have your sinuses draining out of your ears? Lighthead, weak, and faint. My medicine has been responding in weird ways. I'm having small bursts of my addreall work at odd times. Sometimes ill take addreall and feel no effect and then 5 hours later I get this crazy boost for about 20 mins. I've been on these meds for a long time and I can tell you something is wrong. I don't know what to do. I have absolutely no access to any healthcare and worse yet there are very few times that people are around me. This means if something bad happens no one would find me. Who would call for help? Who is around me enough to notice that I'm hurting? More importantly someone who notices and instead of attacking me for how stupid I acted actually trying to understand that I'm hurting and I don't mean to hurt anyone.

Tonight I hit a full blown panic attack. Thoughts were racing out of control and then the breathing issues hit. Next thing you know I'm throwing up and light headed. Then I'm laying on the bathroom floor with my heart beating so fast that I thought it was going to stop and if be dead right there. .... And then I heard Lisa squealing like crazy. Everything around me disappeared and I went running into the birds room and found Lisa on the floor having a night thrash (loosely a nightmare but a little different). I went over to her and her crown was fully extended and she was wide eyed. I could see her little heart beating so rapidly. Bacardi flew over to my shoulder and then crawled into my shirt and cuddled directly in front of my heart. Lisa let me pet her. She looked so concerned. Sure she had a night thrash but she stared at me like she knew something was wrong with me. Suddenly my problems went away and she was my focus. She may well have saved my life.

I was able to get her calmed down and I let them go back to sleep. I was calm too. I took some xanax and I popped "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" movie in and lated down and I'm blogging from my blackberry.

I'm really concerned about a lot tho. I haven't been able to reach Sophie and I'm worried about her. I shouldn't have left but I really believed I was just holding her back from what she wanted to pursue. I was told by someone else that I really needed to have piercinga and tatoos for her to truly like me and she was talking to someone that met that description and someone that she said was extremely hot. I know there is no chance because, well, ive never once been called "hot" by anyone. Honestly tho, I believe love means letting someone chase their dreams even if it means you need to walk away and sacrifice your own. Maybe I screwed up but I believed I was doing the best thing for her. I guess I screwed up and now if something happened to her it'll be my fault. I can't reach her on her phone so I'm paniced even more.

I'm a wreck. I'm really scared. The tears just won't stop. I'm a disaster and I have no means for any help at all. I have no health insurance so I can't afford anything. I have no one around me and no one that wants to be around me. My chest is hurting so bad. I know my body chemistry is off really bad... But this is stuff I must live with.

This raises a question that ive had for a while. How much longer do I have on this earth? Maybe my life really is running out. Honestly, if that is God's will than I am ready and willing. I want nothing more than to be held in His arms and to somehow know that I made this world a better place. I don't know that I have but I hope. I so hope.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Bob's Hope = 0

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 07:08:00 +0000

I don't even know how to begin to explain tonight. The drive home was horrible. I'm not sure if its because I had a shot and drove with a buzz, or maybe that I'm dealing with the fact that by driving with a buzz is the cardinal sin in my mind. Maybe its that the last place that I felt like I remotely belonged I was flat out told that I don't. Maybe its because I actually, for the first time, realized that someone cared about me and I was giving the best hug in the world when a friend yelled and asked why I was touching someone that doesn't like to be touched. It could be that its harder to drive when you can't see through the tears rolling out of your eyes. Maybe its the fact that at least 3 times I saw a tree that was perfect for driving in to. It could also be the fact that I realized that, while I thought I was helping, I was holding someone back from what she really wanted. Or maybe its the fact that I know ill never be a guy that is loved by a girl that he genuinely loves. It could be just the plain old broken heart.

... The answer is: all of the above.

The last few weeks have been hell for me. It hasn't got any better. I am an emotional disaster and I'm seeing less and less hope. I've failed again. I've hit rock bottom. I'm not much better off emotionally than I was in 2004 and if you remember the Bob from then, well, just say some serious prayers because this time I really am all alone. By that statement I mean I live alone and, well, its scary.
Its real damn scary.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

"My Reason"

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 04:41:00 +0000

I've never liked the shelter
I'm constantly alone
I'm poinitng out my weakness
There's an emptyness at home

I need to find a reason
To live this way
I'm running out of patience
And my life is over

I'm standing here
but I'm on my way
searching to find an answer
I'm standing here
but it's all the same
and I'm running out of patience

(Chorus)
And I will take my reason
from you
And I've gained a reason
from you

But you left me
You left me here
And I'm alone

Been stripped of my innocence
Take pity in myself
A certain chain of grievance
That puts me in this hell

I need to find a reason
To live this way
I'm running out of patience
And my life is over

I'm standing here
But I'm on my way
Searching to find an answer
I'm standing here
But it's all the same
And I'm running out of patience

(Chorus)
And I will take my treason
from you
And I've gained a reason
from you

But you left me
You left me here
I'm all alone
I'm all alone
I'm all alone
I'm all alone

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well I'm searching
To find my reason
To find a reason
To find my reason
Why I need you
And I need you
And I want you

But I need to
Get away from you
And I need you
And I want you

But I need to
Get away from you
And I need you
And I want you

But I need to
Get away from you
And I need you
And I want you

But I need to
Get away from you

And I will take my reason
from you
And I needed somebody to love me
But you just left me here
And I'm lonely
You know I needed
Someone to love me
But I'm all alone

"My Reason" by Linkin Park

Emotional Mess

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:07:00 +0000

I'm not exactly sure of the cause but in the recent week or two I've been having some spells of anxiousness and minor depression. I really haven't had to use that d word much in the last couple of years but this emotional mess that I feel like I am in does have some.

I guess a big part of it is related to friendships. There are things about me that I know make me a lot more vulnerable but they are things that I have no desire to change. The problem? I care too much. Basically I will stand beside someone through really dark times and I will deal with the emotional pain that it brings me because I know that they really need someone. When you do this you find yourself caring about that person more and more and that person feels like maybe you are the only one there for them and they may care more about you. This sounds like a good scenario and, actually, it is. The problem is that once the struggles are conquered things go back to the way they were and suddenly you aren't the only one that cares about them. Add to this the fact that you have been there for them and you are now boring because now there are new and exciting people that seem to care. Maybe they do still care but they forget how much you care and, well, you get left in the dust. Worse yet you are still friends and you keep watching more people come into that person's life. You feel replaced and you feel unimportant. This scenario describes 2 friendships in my life right now. I'm sure a lot of it is my reaction too but these are hard scenarios for me to deal with. I can't say that I'm not happy to see them happy but there is a part of me that wonders why I couldn't make them happy. Maybe I did? Either way these are not easy feelings for someone, who is very emotional, to feel.

At any rate, I don't know if this is all of it or not but I don't like having these feelings creep up on me like this. If you've know me for at least 4 or 5 years you know the struggles I had with depression and that's a time in my life that I do not want to revisit.

I would really appreciate everyone's prayers.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Plurk = Twitter Killer?

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 06:26:00 +0000

Well, I think we all know 2 things.... The first is how much many of us love Twitter.... The second is how much we also hate twitter. If there is a list of unstable start ups somewhere then Twitter would have to be in the top 5. The amount of crashes the service goes through is just mind boggling.... And once upon a time Twitter actually cared about the users enough to at least keep them up to date on what was going on. Now? Well, not so much. I mean, hey, Twitter has enough users so why should they care if they piss someone off? We were ok with the growing pains because we all really felt that Twitter (the company) was really a part of Twitter (the network). They've certainly lost touch of that and as a result I think most of us are fed up. Not only is Twitter alienated from the users but the service is getting progressively worse. If things weren't bad enough we had the TOS fiasco which confirmed the fact that Twitter doesn't really care about us. We all love the concept of Twitter but I think that majority of us have had enough.

A few months ago the internet brought us BrightKite which is an absolutely amazing tool and something that I absolutely love. Many people began calling this the "Twitter Killer" but I don't believe this is the case -- well, I at least hope not. BrightKite is incredible for local communication. It's an awesome way of connecting with people that are physically near you and a way of talking about things that are occuring where you are. All of your "notes" are placed on a page for the location that you are checked in at. The thing is that for this to be a twitter killer, it really needs to take the focus away from local and put it more on global and the problem with that is the more that starts to occur the less BrightKite is what it was intended to be. I love BrightKite. I use BrightKite. I want BrightKite to stay focused on what it does best -- and that's not global.

But who's this? Plurk? I just found out about this less than a few hours ago and I'm already blown away by the interface. It is really sleek and thought out. Plurk is certainly a global communications system that does what Twitter does -- except with A LOT of additional features. In just the hour that I have been playing with it I really am excited about it. Right now there isn't any SMS/Mobile compatibility, however, their FAQ asks "How do I use Plurk from my mobile phone?" and the answer is "Give us 6 weeks and we'll tell ya" .... I'm anticipating this very much!

So everyone, please add me at Plurk. You can add me at BrightKite as well..... oh, and I guess you can add me at Twitter too and keep up with what's going on with me there (provided the service is actually working).

Plurk - bblboy54
BrightKite - bblboy54
Twitter - bblboy54

A few more Comcast thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Sat, 31 May 2008 12:39:00 +0000

I really don't mean to turn my blog into a "How Comcast Screwed Me" blog but there was a post to my CPLUG message and it made me think a little more. After I wrote my response I figured that it was interesting enough to add to my blog here.

From what I was told by comcast is that they are using QAM for everything now and I need a set top box for them. Even if channels 30-70 are being broadcast on the line in ATSC I'm sure they are still filtered out at the pole. The kicker is that it was the day they were "fixing my internet" to get me more speed. They checked my box and found nothing wrong and then the next day I got a call from someone else saying they *did* find something wrong at the pole and were sending a truck out to make adjustments at the pole. Ironically I think the guy that called me to tell me they found a problem at the pole was Bill from the ComcastCares department. My theory is that corporate or the local office tricked Bill into being used to limit my TV rather than fixing my internet because I was specifically told by the local office that they found nothing wrong with my internet and that no adjustments were going to be made.

Anyway you look at it Comcast is still Comcast and are professionals only at screwing their customers. When the local sales guy called me he confirmed this by saying "FCC mandate" multiple times and trying to hide behind a law that doesn't even apply to them. They play this game all the time because 95% of the people they call don't have a clue about it and only see Comcast's commercials saying there is a digital transition happening and that comcast is working hard to have it not affect their customers. I guess to them its worth the risk of ending up telling one of the 5% that understand because they'll make up losing those customers by the ways they are screwing the 95%.

"Industry"

noreply@blogger.com (Bob K Mertz) — Wed, 28 May 2008 00:33:00 +0000

Do you remember the time, when the purpose and the rhyme, was to see the souls affected.
But now its to man, every purpose and every plan, to whom the praise is directed.
We live out dream, make the crowd scream, but turn to yell at the sound man,
Since where and when did we stop checking the word and begin to start checking the sound scan.
Remember when shows were for souls and rhymes were for flows.
Now we spend one minute to pray, if even that for each day, but spend 2 hours checkin our clothes.
what happened to the passion we was having that was sparked in the begining.
but we're quick to cry, point the speck in your eye, but even quicker to justify our sinning.
we're wuick to diss and raise the fist to justify the things that we do.
but for every finger we point at them, just remember freind there's 4 more pointin back at you.
how and when did it all begin as ministry turned to industry.
cause did jesus need a manager, record label, ditributor, or even a boooking agency.
when troubles came, did he call upon the name, or turn to a lawyer to handle it.
why do we ask God last, ignore the past, but be the first to ask our management.
cause next to him, our glory's dim and truely pales in comparison.
why does every move we choose seem to revolve around
we can get our groove on, but yet worry about comin on to strong.
yet we water it down so much there aint even nothing left to chew on.
souls become sales, and sales become a salary
give the crowd something to feel, whine about keepin it real,
but dont try to keep it to reality.
yet when its all over and the mic is hung and its all said and done.
it wont matter how many battles i won, but only the souls that i have won.
on the other side, will my silly pride cause me to hold my head up proud .
If I wont have beef with you then, tell me freind, why should I have a beef wth you now.
At the end of my life when I held that mic did I really truelly deserve it.
Forget if i was phat, Forget if i was whack,
I want to hear well done my good and faithful servant.