Saturday, January 31, 2004 |
So basically... at the close of this day... alot of crap went wrong today.... but I fixed it all..... except Tiff :( ... and of course, thats what means the most to me. But I cant get a hold of her. But.... I still love her.... alot! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Working on the wireless network now..... in a few short hours, I'll hopefully be up on the slopes! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
C:\DOCUME~1\ROOT>ping 192.168.1.243 Pinging 192.168.1.243 with 32 bytes of data: Request timed out. Request timed out. Request timed out. Request timed out. Ping statistics for 192.168.1.243: Packets: Sent = 4, Received = 0, Lost = 4 (100% loss), ----- And then Bobby I can't go back to Lock Haven tomorrow. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. Love Tiff ----- To sum it up... My wireless network went down again.... and now I cant see Tiff today..... I'm tired of nothing ever working out for me.... EVER! :( (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, January 30, 2004 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 |
I am really down right now and no one can talk to me. I just want to cry..... I want things to get better for me but when they do, they always seem to get worse right after that. I'm extremely frustrated.... I dont know what route I should take. And no one is here to help me. No one is here to talk to me.... I dont think anyone cares :( (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Tuesday, January 27, 2004 |
All through this day I was on an up and down roller coaster.... but I am definately up now.... things are rough between me and Tiff... and I think that is very understandable and acceptable at this point in time. I just had alot of things bugging me.... when I got home I vented on Kendra a bit, sent Tiff a few messages and the next thing I knew my phone rang and it was Tiff. This meant more to me than anyone can imagine. I'm not going into details about what was going on between us.... frankly, it just doesnt matter anymore... we are better, everything is fine.... and we didnt let the sun go down on us while we were still angry. I actually think these.... differences of opinion.... are really good for us. Everytime we end one, everything is not only fine, but seems to be better than it was before. I'm confident we're gonna make it! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
No bowling tonight was a VERY good thing. I was able to talk to Tiff all night and I ... well, we BOTH needed that.... we both got a lot of things off our chests and we both feel so much better. I was amazed at how much I actually trusted Tiff when we first got back together..... I even told her a little bit ago that I dont trust her 100% but I trust her alot more than I expected.... well, after tonight, i am ALOT closer to 100% .... There is still a little bit of work to be done.... but I know we will make it. I love her so much! I was so excited tonight that when I started to pray, I just nearly shouted out thanking God for what He had done. I really do tip my hat to the Keeper of the Stars! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Monday, January 26, 2004 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
01-26 [21:51] bobkmertz: 1> I want to serve God 01-26 [21:51] bobkmertz: 2> I want to be with you 01-26 [21:52] bobkmertz: I dont care if im fixing computer, making pizzas, or cleaning toilets 01-26 [21:52] bobkmertz: as long as I have those 2 things, I will be happy 01-26 [21:52] Tiffs Wolf Dance: Well I want to help you accomplish both then 01-26 [21:52] Tiffs Wolf Dance: by many means in the process 01-26 [21:52] Tiffs Wolf Dance: And once those two things are there, we keep them there (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Tiff update.... it's been an up and down roller coaster. This is alot harder than I expected it to be but I really love Tiffany and it's worth it to me. Its going to be hard for a while to trust her, and Im just thankful that she understands that. Many times I feel like a real ass tho. I look back at my self and wonder why I act(ed) the way I do(did).... This is something that I have to work on... not Tiff. She's been doing a few things to gain my trust back. There are alot of little things though that kind of bug me. Stuff that really is pointless and stupid..... but this is something that I think I need to get past. I dont know.... this whole situation is really tough.... but I know that when (I said when, not if) I/we pull through it, things are going to be great. I love Tiffany with all of my heart. I never stopped loving her..... I hid it for a while because I had to.... but I never really quit. Please keep us in your prayers! We *WILL* get through this.... and it *WILL* be worth it! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Sunday, January 25, 2004 |
Trust something that is very hard to gain back once you have lost it. Thats what I'm dealing with right now. Although, I'm not the one trying to gain the trust back, I'm the one hoping someone will gain my trust. Tiff and I are back together.... thats the happiest thing that happened to me this year.... it's been a very rought past few months.... and even tonight I got MORE bad news that I wasnt prepared to deal with.... Tiff has done nothing wrong.... she's been great since we've been back together.... the issue is..... I dont know if *I* can do this. I WANT to do this, but I dont know if I can. After all that has happened.... this is just very tough on me. I have spent most of this day zoning out thinking about Tiff since I am not able to talk to her this weekend. I need ALOT from Tiff right now... and im wondering if she is capable of giving that to me.... I wonder if it's even fair for me to ask that of her. I want this to work so badly. I love Tiffany with all of my heart and I never want to lose her again. I love her enough to give her chance after chance..... I'm just really scared right now. Now, all of you reading this.... before you say anything to me, SHUT UP! I am venting, and that's all. I am going to get through this no matter which way things turn. I dont want to hear anything about this because I know that the majority of my friends are against Tiffany. I will get through this with God... and the very few friends that I can actually talk to this about. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, January 23, 2004 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, January 22, 2004 |
I can now call her my girlfriend! :) God is in this.... There's no other explanation! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 |
Im confused again.... I dont know what is best.... last night Gwen kinda blew me off.... it may not have been intentional.... I dunno.... I should (hopefully) get to talk to her today. Sometimes tho I feel like someone is praying that things dont work out for me... I mean, some of the crazy crap that happens to me is just insane. I think that another issue with Gwen is Kari (my sister).... I think she may have said something to Gwen. My sister always had a problem with me being friends with her friends.... I thought she was over that, but maybe not. That upsets me tho... its like im not good enough for her friends. I dont know whats going on with Tiff.... last night I had two people tell me not to give up just yet. I dont want to.... I really love Tiffany.... but how am I going to trust her again if she does come back? I mean she told me how much she loved me and everything and then she went back to Jim to try to make things work. It seemed like she really wanted to leave me. As much as I wanted her and Jim to still be friends, I dont know if I could handle that after what has happened. I know I'm going to get criticism from this.... my friends who read this will probably attack me.... to those people I want to say that I will be ok. I am not giving up on Gwen or any other girl.... there are indications right now but there is nothing solid. I am single right now and I am gonna live as such. If a girl comes along today, I'm going to ask her out.... I'm not living as though im single. Tiff is still going to have to act quick. The people who talked to me last night only bought her a little bit of time. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Tuesday, January 20, 2004 |
Today wasnt too bad. I got most of my road service calls taken care of. I have one tomorrow.... they arent supposed to give me any more after that. We'll see what happens. I got to see Gwen today.... that actually gave me a boost.... but why? I dont know... She's just a really sweet girl and I think I am really going to enjoy hanging out with her. I dont know exactly what all this means with Tiff. I mean, Gwen and I have been talking for about a day.... too early to tell.... but the thing that did happen is this event really opened my mind up. Maybe thats what I needed. I'm now more prepared to move on than I ever was. I'm still open to getting back together with tiff.... but how long that will last, im not sure. If Tiff does want me back, she better do something quick. Well, I dont know what I'm going to do tonight.... probably just relax for a while. Who knows? (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I did meet a new friend tonight.... Gwen .... she works for my sister... hehe.... she's really sweet and we've been talking all night here since I got back from bowling. (Shout out to Gwen) Speaking of bowling.... 157 124 206 We're not going to discuss the second game.... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Sunday, January 18, 2004 |
Today wasnt too bad. I worked all day at Pizza Hut. We had a meeting for our new pizza which launched today. After that I just stayed and wrote the schedule. One of our cooks didnt show up so instead of taking that couple hour break I just stayed on the clock.... which I was really glad happened. I needed to pick up some hours that I lost on Tuesday and it saved me from sitting around or driving home. The day went pretty smooth. This new pizza is a pain in the ass though. I personally dont think it's a bad pizza but I dont think it's a really good value. We sold 3 of them today and 2 of them hated it..... not a good sign. Oh, and going to work today I did a 180.... I would have spun more but the field stopped me.... that was fun :) Not too much else going on.... guess I'll leave you alone now. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Saturday, January 17, 2004 |
I was all excited to go skiing tonight but that somewhat fell through. Not completely but it kinda did. If I go, I'm gonna go by myself. I guess I could save the money though.... but anyway, thats frustration. Wednesday NetBank screwed me over and took money that they shouldnt have because they froze funds from a deposit I made and didnt tell me about it. I now have an account at S&T Bank again.... good bye netbank.... ok, so now I have no money.... Today, reinstalling windows on my aunt's computer and also setting up my sister's laptop. I also am going to need a new WAP11 to extend my network to my uncle's house.... Best Buy had a special with a WAP and a lap top card that was DIRT cheap. I just made a payment to my best buy card since I went a little late (as a result of being in the hospital)... I called today and the automated system told me they received my payment and then said my available credit was 0.... talked to a rep and apparently since I went past due they took my credit away from me. Im just so tired of this..... it really seems like nothing is going right..... the problem, tho, isnt so much that everything is going wrong.... its just that nothing really happy has been happening in my life to balance that out. It's just one let down after another. I'm doing ok but it's really getting frustrating. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, January 16, 2004 |
http://bash.org/mess/accepted/633963_mess_004 http://bash.org/mess/accepted/563517_mess_005 (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, January 15, 2004 |
Today I have left many things in the past.... I left 2 friends in the past in completely different ways. I'm not ready to talk about this.... and most of you will never know of this day. I am sorry but I have been hurt by many of my friends and I cant take that risk again. These situations may or may not be what you think they are. What you think you know, forget. Please dont risk hurting me again. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Wednesday, January 14, 2004 |
I didnt know Jack for very long but the time I did know him meant so incredibly much to me. I am, as others are, a better person because I knew Jack. In the short time that I did know him he became such an important person in my life, even though I only saw him about once a week. He always had a smile on his face. He was never down. Even while he was battling cancer he always smiled. You could tell that he was a person who loved people. Not only did he love is wife, family, and friends -- he loved God even more. You could see God inside of Him. He never backed down. He was always the same person.... and never ashamed. He could cheer you up in a few short sentences. He always looked good. He made an impact on so many lives. Jack was a winner! He accepted everyone. He would always talk to you, always greet you! Everyone who knew him loved him. I also knew him as a great bowler. Jack's memory will be with each and everyone of him. We will miss him very much and we will wait for the day that we join him in heaven with our Lord, Jesus Christ. My thoughts are with Pat (his wife), his sons, and the rest of his family. Jack Lauritz Williams 1946-2004 (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Things arent better.... but I am calm.... and that is good. Hell with psychiatrists....I can do this on my own. At least now I have something to do on Saturday.... I'm going skiing with Allison! Can't wait for that.... skiing rocks.... and I wont be by myself.... and ill be with someone who is really cool.... so yaknow :) I'm going to be ok with everything. God is working everything out.... there is alot on my mind.... but it will work out well... Thanks to Matt for tonight.... it was a really bad day and he let me work only for a few hours instead of my whole shift.... that was a HUGE help.... I needed some time tonight. I also think that maybe I have ESP when I write the schedule at Pizza Hut. When I was writting the schedule for tonight I was gonna work the shift but for some reason I decided to put Rick on for one last training shift. Now I know why. Had I not scheduled him for that, I would have been stuck working.... Dont get me wrong... I would have worked without a problem but because of that I was able to go to the funeral home and take some time to sit and think. The amazing thing.... I still love BOTH of my jobs :) (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Tuesday, January 13, 2004 |
It did some things I hoped I never would have to do..... I dont want to talk about them right now... except for a few select people right now. I *DO* need everyone's prayers right now. I miss Jack! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Why do I always meet the assholes? (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
There is a horrible thing right now... I can't post what I want to on here because I know my friends don't support me.... So I have to censor myself... That's just sad..... So today I went to the psychiatrist... I left there feeling worse than when I went in. Ok so public service announcement I LOVE TIFFANY I have to give her a chance... For me just as much as her. All my psychiatrist did this morning was add fuel to the fire..... It really pissed me off. People... Pray for me.... I need strength... But I have to give tiff another chance.... If you don't like that then don't talk to me. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Bowling: 185 170 201 (all over average) My dad didn't do well..... but thats ok because I beat him 2 games and I beat him for series :) We also won 5 out of 7 points... all of us really want to win this year..... just to win it for jack. I dont know what's going on in my head..... just all kinds of things bouncing around.... right now I am REALLY glad that I have 2 jobs.... because any free time that I have I just sit and think and thats not good for me right now.... I worry about everything... ok, mainly the situation with Tiffany..... but there is so much crap going on right now... Jack dying, still things with my aunt.... dont really know what to expect with the Tiff situation.... there is just way too many things going on in my head.... it's not good. I wish I had got an email from Tiff..... but I didnt.... I mean.... it's possible that she is having computer problems.... but I'm sure that she has been to a computer lab if that is the case.... even just a quick email to say "hey im at school.... all is ok.... I love you" .... just anything.... I'm probably over-reacting but it's so hard with what happened when she came home from England.... I really just wish I had the answer.... but I dont.... I dont know what will happen in a month.... This is all just VERY rough on me. I really need everyone's prayers.... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Monday, January 12, 2004 |
Hopefully something happens to cheer me up tonight. I do NOT want to have to see my psychiatrist tommorow while I'm down. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Sunday, January 11, 2004 |
The bright side of things was that I got the network running in my grandmother's house.... and it still has a solid connection to my computer. Still crossing my fingers.... We'll see what happens. So after I ate, I got ready and went to work. As I was driving there I was extremely depressed.... not exactly sure why.... I was thinking about how I havent really seen Tiff in forever.... and that bugged me... *shrug* I just know I was down. When I got to work, it wasnt quite as bad but then I just started getting chewed out by customers and stuff.... it was bad.... the main reason was the Sicilian pizza.... we havent sold it for about 2 weeks now.... no problems until today... all of a sudden customers just started bombing us with calls for that pizza and then getting pissed when we told them we didnt have it anymore.... Greengate said the same thing was happening to them.... we're thinking that somewhere someone advertised that pizza today.... it's not confirmed but it's the only explanation we have. The first call was someone who was yelling at me for not having the sicillian anymore.... they ended the call with "we're so dissapointed we're going to have to call somewhere else" and then hung up on me.... this was after I heard the person in the background saying they didnt want anything... in a bad tone of voice, of course. They gave me their phone number before.... so I knew who they were.... about 2 mins later patty took an order... it was the same people... Vanetta and I were talking about how retarded that was and how stupid we would feel if we did that.... it was just retarded.... then we're like "those are the people you want to say something smart to when they come in but cant" and Vanetta was going along with it the whole time. Next thing I know someone comes in and Vannetta's like "oh hey, how are you doing" ... obviously knew this person.... turns out it was that very same customer..... I just started cracking up.... I had to go in the back..... then the customer leaves and Vanetta just starts cracking up.... apparently this was her daughter's teacher.... that was classic. They day went on tho.... someone complained that their dough was raw..... they sent it back.... I ran it through the over and literally the top was burnt.... and they still said it was raw.... whatever.... I made a new one and they said it was free.... gave them a free meal.... then someone left their pizza there for 75 mins.... I decided to call them .... "oh, we meant to call Mt. Pleasant" ..... ok.... so for those of you who are not from around here.... Mt. Pleasant is about a 45 min drive from my store.... in a completely different phone exchange.... whatever.... there was another canceled order that we made no money off of..... alll of the millions who called in about the sicillian didnt get anything though.... what a night..... and our sales..... we were like WAY under on sales.... it was such a freaking slow night..... you'd think that we would have been loving it but just all the customers made it hell..... at least we got out of there early..... Jeff was done about 5 after 10.... I was done about the same time (with all my management stuff) and then Diana got done around quarter after..... that was the nice thing. Ok so now I must go to bed.... I start work at CCI at 9am. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Yesterday wasnt too bad.... the install that Jude wanted me to do for an hour I ended up working on from 10am until 2:30pm.... but I got it done.... didnt get to my wireless network though. I slept in today and didnt go to church so I think Im going to work on it a little bit today before I go in to work. Pizza Hut went well last night too.... nothing much to write about there. I'm gonna go get a shower and then boot up the laptop and hopefully get this network running today. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Saturday, January 10, 2004 |
First of all, I felt the wrath of Billy Gates a couple times today. Obviously while working at Computer Connections I would run into something.... then tonight at Pizza Hut Tiff text messaged me and for some reason Hotmail got stuck on that message and it sent that message to me every min for about an hour straight.... it was bad... and it really ticked me off.... stupid hotmail.... there are reasons why I never really used hotmail :) So today was my first day back at Computer Connections.... it went really well... I had a little bit of learning to do since I am now working on the sales floor and before I was a technician but I picked up on everything pretty quickly since I had an idea. I guess everyone was glad that I was back.... and that makes me feel good. Pizza Hut was even kinda fun tonight.... I was a cook tonight since that was the only way I could fit myself in on the schedule tonight so Matt was my boss for once.... which is always fun.... Vanetta was the closing waitress..... she hates to vaccum and I hate to clean the dishes.... so we traded jobs.... she says she got the raw end of the deal.... maybe she did..... but I dont think it was that raw..... either way it was a nice change of pace..... Tommorrow is going to be another fun day. Somehow Jude suckered me into doing a computer install tommorrow moring.... so I actually have to wake up AGAIN..... then after I do that Im going to work on my 802.11B network again and hopefully finish that branch of it...... if I complete that, I'll probably start the branch up to my uncle's house next weekend.... I dont THINK that branch is going to be as hard.... maybe only one WAP11.... but then again, I thought that this branch was only going to take 2 WAP11's and I now own 4. After that I go in to work at Pizza Hut. I was supposed to work from 3 till close but since I screwed up the schedule for tommorrow (it was an honest mistake), Im going to go in at 4:30... or maybe even later... to save some labor. As a result of all of this I am beat and need to SLEEP! Goodnight all! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, January 08, 2004 |
I got all 16 of those questions right.... yes, I'm a geek! 802.11B Update..... The signal is now to my grandmother's back room.... I just need to activate a repeater in there to bounce the signal into her computer. We now know that you apparently cant repeat a repeater so in my aunt's house I have 2 WAP11's ... one is an access point client.... this is receiving the signal from my house.... then on the other side of her basement is another WAP11 which is connected to the first one in her house via a 25ft crossover cable. This WAP11 is acting as a standard access point with a different SSID. Essentially by doing this I am creating a completely seperate wireless network and bridging them in my aunt's house. The signal from that WAP11 is broadcast up to my grandmother's house but her computer does not receive enough signal to connect, however in the next room over, my laptop will connect just fine. I bought another WAP11 today to put in my grandmother's house. This is version 2.6 but it does not have the latest firmware so I decided to swap them. This one with the older firmware does not support repeating. Since neither of the WAP11's are repeaters in my aunt's house I figured that I could back that the AP in my aunt's house and use the one that was there in my grandmother's house. Once I configured it as a repeater is still did not connect to the AP in my aunt's house. I am assuming that to repeat the signal, both WAP11's must be running the new version of the firmware. I ran out of time today so my plan is on Saturday to update the firmware on that WAP11 and hopefully everything will then work. Right now I cant ping either one of those WAP11's in my aunt's house from my computer.... but this may be the way it's supposed to be.... I'm not sure... We'll find out on Saturday and I'll of course give you an update then. In other news I start my "new" job tommorrow.... I'm going back to Computer Connections to work part-time. I will be working ALL day tommorrow..... working at CCI (Computer Connections Inc) in the morning/afternoon and then Pizza Hut in the evening.... but I need the money so all is good! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Some people should not have more than one computer :) (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Wednesday, January 07, 2004 |
Sorry about that.... blogger was down for a bit monday night and I just didnt have time yesterday. Bowling scores: 209 163 146 Got worse as the night went on.... but I was really sick.... still coming off of the ativan.... I'm still ticked off at the doctors at the hospital.... there was no reason to put me on 4mg of ativan a day.... ativan is only supposed to be taken as needed.... *sigh* My team did win all 7 points tho... and we were bowling the #1 team so that helped us out alot..... got us 14 points closer to first place :) Bad news tho.... my team mate Jack Williams is dying of cancer.... they arent expecting him to live much longer... actually, they thought he would be gone before Thursday... please pray for a miracle..... The wireless project is coming along pretty well... gonna cost a bit more than expected but I think I'm actually going to pull it off. I now have a signal in my aunt's house.... I need to add another WAP in her upstairs to bounce that signal to my grandmother's.... then I see about bouncing the signal up the other direction to my uncle's.... why am I doing this? I dunno.... I just want to.... I get no real benefit out of it.... it will save my parents money because we'll be splitting the DSL bill.... it helps whoever gets on the network out because they are getting cheap DSL.... and I just get the satisfaction of saying I have a huge wireless network ... and thats enough for me :) I figure the first hop from my main WAP to the repeater in my aunt's basement is probably 800-1000ft... thats a big guess.... but either way its impressive since 802.11B is rated for 150ft ... Granted, I do have a signal booster on my WAP here at my house but thats still impressive for not using any external antennas.... Thats about all for now.... I have another wireless network to install at Bud's house tonight.... that should go ok tho. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Monday, January 05, 2004 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Sunday, January 04, 2004 |
 
I think I definately have a shot at this one..... eventually I *WILL* clean my room.... but probably not in the near future :) Thanks again for everyone's prayers. These are still rough times for me.... but things will be ok. Thanks! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Saturday, January 03, 2004 |
.... and I cant wait to hear the criticism when people read this.... but any of my friends that are REALLY my friends will support me. I just had a very positive talk with Tiffany. She explained some things, and I explained some things. She needs time off..... but her intention is to come back to me. I can understand that she is confused right now..... her parents, jim, me.... anyway.... she wants her time off.... and I am going to give it to her.... she said it probably wont take more than a month so I am giving her a month.... a month of staying true to her.... waiting for her. Why am I doing this? Because I'm in love and Tiffany is more than worth it to me. It really looks like Tiff and I will be back together. .... and to those people who emailed her negative comments when she was trying to make things as right as possible..... well, lets just say I'm upset with you.... I dont consider that an action in our friendship but an action just to spite someone. I'm dissapointed.... and your lucky that Tiff is refusing to tell me who you are. Please keep me in your prayers! This is a risk im taking.... but I think it will turn out for the good. Thanks everyone for your support! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I'm going to bed.... maybe something happy will happen tomorrow! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, January 02, 2004 |
I've lost so much in the last few weeks. I lost it all when Tiff left me. It's not gonna be the same not being able to check my email after dinner for a boost from an email from Tiff.... its not gonna be the same knowing that when I come home I wont have an email either. I've lost the love of my life.... I've lost the only person who made me feel good.... the one who kept reminding me that I really was someone special.... now I dont feel like much of anything. Now, I know that there are other people.... and of course the saying "there are other fish in the sea" .... but thats not my point. My point is I lost alot. I love Tiffany alot... and quite frankly, (directed to SOME of my friends) you're going to have to get used to the fact that I do love her..... whether she comes back to me or not. I lost alot.... and this is painful.... but God will work it out. It's really hard for me to accept that this all might be over. I dont want to lose her.... I love her too much. I'm not going to back down though..... I'm going to hold my gound because ... well, Tiff's the one that has to make things right..... I just really hope that she does. Boy it would be nice to get an email from her tonight. Out of habit I'll probably still check my palm after dinner.... To those who ask me why bother... I answer because she is worth it. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
-- I just wanted to let everyone know that I went to see a therapist today at the Comprehensive Counseling Center I was in last week. They set me up in the outpaitient program so I will be seeing both counselors and doctors through that program to make sure the medicines I am on are working and also to help me through any other problems I'm working on. Unfortunately this means that I will be dealing with Dr. Gaul less as the CCC program will be taking over the care of my depression medicines. This is probably a good thing but there is just something about being able to go to a doctor, actually give input into what you think may help and then pray together about the decission. I'm going to miss that. But thankfully Dr. Gaul is still my PCP so any other medicines or problems as well as check ups go to him. I want to thank all of you for your support. Most of you know I have gone through a very rough few weeks and im still not out of the water. I learned very quickly when you go to only one person with your problems you open yourself up for disaster when you lose that person. That is what happened. Each one of you have been extremely supportive. Some have annoyed me at times but I know that your intentions are good. Just a few notes when dealing with me though. First of all, do not put Tiffany down. I still love her very much and what some of you view as a (my) mistake I still do not believe was. There is still hope. I've changed some things and I dont have my mind closed. In having an open mind, that means that my mind must be OPEN, and this also means open to the fact that maybe Tiffany really does still love me. Only time will tell in this situation. Secondly, remember that I now have counselors and doctors working with me to help me with what I need to and shouldnt be doing. Do not interefere with this. They are trained to be able to read my feelings and give input based on that. Thirdly, remember that I have a relationship with Christ. Although at times I need reminded of that, He is still there. I focus on Christ as much as I possibly can and in every one of these crazy situations (especially with Tiffany), I am constantly praying for guidance for everyone involved. Lastly: LISTEN The best way you can help me out is listen when I complain about something. Be very careful about giving me advice. My views on this situation, and on Tiffany herself, differ from most of yours. I want those views to be heard; not changed. Again, thank you everyone for your support. It is taken when needed and even when I disagree it may be ignored but it helps anyway just knowing that you care enough to give it. Your prayers are the most appriciated. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.... -Romans 8:28 God Bless everyone! Bob -- (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, January 01, 2004 |
.... yea, you know where I'm going. She is.... but at the same time I have to protect myself. I think I'm heading to bed early today.... its been pretty depressing for me. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Mom is sleeping, Dad is watching football, Lori is at work.... Kari is who knows where...... Cant get a hold of Addy, Cant get a hold of Kelli..... Dunno if I should call Renee again..... I want to do something..... knowing me, I'll end up at the theater myself like normal because... well, no body likes me. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
FIRST BLOG OF 2004! Happy new year everyone. I do want to post in my first blog that I love tiffany. First bowling frame of the year: spare. Again, happy new year everyone. Now on with 2 more hours of bowling. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved
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