Saturday, December 31, 2005 |
Less than 15 mins left of 2005! Is everyone ready for leap second? And this will be the last blog of the year....... Ill see ya'ins next (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Looking back, I have to say that 2005 was by far the year that I changed the most in. I think that I have become a better person and I have learned a lot. I may have had my first taste of moving out on my own in 1999 but its this year that I had my own home Granted, the home was just me but I learned a lot more and took on a lot more than what I did in Florida in 1999. People have told me how much I have matured over the last year. Maybe I have. I hope I have. I still feel like me tho. I mean, this is who I am and I like who I am. I hate many of the thing that I have to go through but its all shaping me to be a better person in the future. Who can deny that that is a great thing? History repeats its self they say. I think there is a lot of truth to that. So what will 2006 be for me? I think a lot of the same stuff that 2005 was with new twists. Im sure it wont be any less exciting than 2005 J As for what I want to accomplish? I really would like to find the girl and start working towards the family that I have always dreamed of. I had a lot of hope in that situation until a few days ago. And that may be why Ive been feeling so anxious recently. So I guess my goal is to refocus myself and get that hope back somehow. There has been a quote as you enter my website for years that has said about living without hope. I dont mention that quote a lot but it means a lot to me and is very real to me. Having hope is the most important thing. Maybe thats why Im always looking for answersI want to know whats going to happen so that I have something to look forward to. But I do realize that sometimes its not Gods will for us to know yet. And I will learn to be more and more content with that idea. I have been through quite a lot this year and every one of you have impacted the outcome in various different ways. Your prayers mean more to me than can be imagined. And some of you may have hurt me. But thats ok because it was all a part of making me who I am right now.. Garth Brooks has an amazing song called The Dance that really means a lot. And I think that it could be my theme song for the ending of 2005. Looking back on the memory of The dance we shared beneath the stars above For a moment all the world was right How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Holding you I held everything For a moment wasn't I the king But if I'd only known how the king would fall Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Yes my life is better left to chance I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance I sure could have been a lot happier with less pain in 2005. But all of that pain is leading up for a better 2006.. and all the pain I experience in 2006 will lead up for a better 2007. I pray that 2006 brings a lot of great things for all of us. Maybe Ill finally meet the girl of my dreams. Maybe I wont. But I can look forward and hope for that to come. Whether it comes in 2006 or later or why not even in 2005? I still have 10 hours, right? J Im also looking forward to doing great things with New Life this year. I hope that I can become more and more involved with my church and be able to take them to new levels with their technology. I pray that God uses me in 2006 even more so than He did in 2005. So I just want to take this time to thank all of you for the support that you have given me in 2005 and I want to wish you and your families a great 2006. God Bless! "Man can live about 40 days without food, about 3 days without water, about 8 minutes without air but only about 1 second without hope." -From Hal Lindsey's "The Terminal Generation" book (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, December 30, 2005 |
I'm really not doing so well right now. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
:( (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
.... If only companies would not screw up in the first place we wouldnt even have to call.... but when they make it hard to call, it seems like they just want to avoid their errors...... *sigh* No wonder most of America has high blood pressure...... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
By myself at the back of my brain I cannot see What You're showing me thorugh this pain I have found That I have found Nothing for so long (Chorus) I don't understand I don't need to I know You've a plan You will see through It is in Your hands I believe You (Verse 2) I say goodbye I leave my loved ones far behind I'm asking Why is the story of my life I have found That I have found Nothing for so long (Repeat Chorus) I was only wondering I've been trying to understand I know there is more So much more than I can see (Repeat Chorus x2) "I Don't Understand" by PFR (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
God tests His children over and over again until they get it right. I was doing so well.... but tonight, I failed..... its truly the only thing that I do not fail at: failing. Now I know the test will come again. I've screwed up.... God may forgive me, but people wont. Not even those who mean the world to me. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I.... I am a failure.... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, December 29, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I feel like thats what is going on. I'm playing a big game. I'm not sure how many lives I have... how many mistakes I can make.... hell, I'm not even sure what the name of the game is. I'm kind of getting burnt out tho. Sometimes you just get bored with the same thing repeating it's self over and over again. Asteroids was a great Atari game.... but every level was the same thing but a little faster..... there was nothing new and exciting.... thats what my life is... a game of asteroids. I'd much rather be playing Super Mario 3 or something where every level is at least a little different.... but its the same things over and over again for me..... just gets faster and a little tougher.... but nothing new and exciting for me.... I'm bored... I'm burnt out.... I just want to go to sleep for a while.... maybe forever. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I'm sure that will be the last I hear of her for a while.... I wish I didnt have to make the first attempt at communication but I couldnt rely on her to do it.... and I'm not gonna do it again for at least a while (unless God would direct otherwise, I guess) so I guess that means that we wont talk for a while. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Wednesday, December 28, 2005 |
Why cant people just say what they mean? Oh yea, you dont want to hurt me? Thats a good reason to lie.... its the most selfish thing you can do.... dont hurt me while your around me.... wait until its too late and you dont feel as guilty.... no matter that it will kill me 500% more than if you just told me the truth in the first place. PLEASE SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!!!!! If you hate me, tell me.... if you dont want to hire me, tell me.... if you love me, tell me (right), if you dont think im a good worker, tell me.... if you dont think I'm a great person, dont say it. Is it really that hard to tell the truth? :( (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Tuesday, December 27, 2005 |
This sucks...... I was kinda upset this morning about some things on my mind but now this traffic is pushing me over the edge...... I just want to go home, forget about work for today, and cuddle up with my girlfriend..... But I don't have any vacation time to use and we all know that no girl will ever be truly interested in me for reasons other than using me...... *sigh* This message was sent using PIX-FLIX Messaging service from Verizon Wireless! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Needless to say, I'm not driving back home tonight.... I'll get some sleep and leave early AM to head back to VA and be there by 4pm for work. Its been a good weekend but yet a very trying weekend as well. Something is gonna have to happen with the whole Tiff situation.... if it doesnt, I really have to permanently give up. I've said it before but eventually I am going to have to really stick to it and just completely say its over... I cant keep putting myself through this. She wont tell me what she wants or whats going on.... but yet ive had text messages a few times over the last week that just make me go wtf.... and when I try to start a conversation, it doesnt happen.... its just one text message and thats it. So I dont know.... so many messed up things going on right now... its amazing how many decissions that other people make can really affect your life in bad ways... but yet I do know that God will take care of you if you take the steps that you need to take. There is no doubt in my mind that Tiff and I should not be in this limbo situation.... things should have happened alot differently... but she seems to still be affraid to take the actions she needs to.... its hard on me, yes... but God is taking care of me.... and God gives many chances I have learned but I have also learned that He doesnt let the other person go through it too many times before He moves that person out of the situation and works on the person not making the decission in another way.... It's happened to me many times... and I so many times wish I would have learned my lesson on the first time.... but I didnt... fear kept me from doing so many things.... but I cant tell you how much better it is to live a life of faith.... a life that allows you to just jump when God says to and not question it.... sure I still do but not near as much as I used to... and my life is so much better. So do I know what is going to happen between Tiff and I? Not a clue.... but what I do know is that God isnt going to let me be in this situation much longer.... one of two things is possible.... 1> I'm wrong or 2> Tiff is scared to death to do what she needs to. Either way, its not going to be long before God either convinces me I'm wrong or He works on Tiff another way with me completely out of the picture..... or of course things could be corrected the way they should have been a year ago.... but im not putting my hopes in any certain place other than putting my faith in God that He is going to take care of me. I care about Tiff very much, but I cant continue to concern my life with her and let things bug me.... I'm starting to realize (finally) that no matter what I do, I can not make any decissions for her.... she must listen to God and then act in the faith that she needs to.... if I was able to make that choice for her, then she would never learn.... Alright, well.... I'm gonna get some things done here and then get my butt to bed.... Good night everyone! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Monday, December 26, 2005 |
Oh... and I got a text message tonight too.... I dont understand..... if two people are so much alike that they seem like they are cloned, you'd think they'd be really close, right? *shrug* Well, tomorrow is an EXTREMELY busy day for me..... gotta help some people out and most importantly, I have to go play with Eli.... well, I dont have to... I WANT TO! So I guess I'm gonna get to bed..... well, of course I'll check myspace first because im not addicted or anything :D Hope everyone had a great Christmas! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Sunday, December 25, 2005 |
Oh well... we're playing a game so I'm gonna get going..... more later probably. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(Oh, girl) Christmas ain't the same without you... Waiting for the day I see you again It's Christmas night I'm by the fireside Wishing that you and I Could share our love one last time And baby, I need you near me Right here with me for eternity (oh oh) Exchaning gifts of warmth and tenderness Holding you close is my Christmas wish! Chorus: Christmas ain't the same without you It just doesn't feel like it used to Waiting for the day I'll see you again ('til I see you) I hold my breath and pray to the stars for you 'til then Baby I, made some mistakes that I Really regret inside (why can't we get one last chance?) Aww... I loved you girl With all of my heart! Right from the start Thought we'd never part (oh no) Remembering your touch and your eternal bliss That is my only Christmas wish! Chorus (2x) (Oh no no no) I hold my breath and pray to the stars for you 'til then (Oh no!) Christmas ain't the same without you... The same... Chorus (2x) "Christmas Wish" by 98 Degrees (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Saturday, December 24, 2005 |
 (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I'm not out to get credit or to be known as this great person because I really truly am no different than any other person.... I dont deserve credit.... but what I really need is appriciation. As long as I am appriciated, I am happy. And I think that this was a big thing that took a role in the Carpathia thing.... I never really felt appriciated.... but now that I work under Scotty, I do feel that way. Just saying thanks or "hey that was really good" or whatever is enough to keep me going.... its needed. I want to help people and I want to make an impact and when I know I am appriciated, I know that I am doing my job. So it starts out basically this way.... today there was some of the "do this, do that" thing that always goes on when I'm up here in PA. I hate it. I do have to say tho, I am very thankful that it wasnt as bad as it usually is.... but when I'm up here in PA, this is supposed to be a break for me.... but just laying on the couch is impossible because I cant go more than a half hour without someone saying "could you do this _____ (fill in the blank)" ... its horrible.... but the thing that makes it so bad isnt helping someone out.... its the fact that its not really appriciated. If I'm here, this is expected of me.... but last I checked, I dont live here..... Dont get me wrong... I love being here and seeing my family and stuff, but the reality is, I'm not an official part of the household even tho I am still very much a part of the family.... Caring about your family and doing stuff for them is important and should never change, however, things for the daily operations of the house shouldnt be a requirement.... not saying that I never want to help out at all.... but its not a duty any more... Sure I'll help out.... but I hope that it would be appriciated and not just taken for granted.... sometimes I do think that my family takes me for granted.... not that that means they dont love me.... but sometimes its easy to do whether someone is worth something or not.... I'm probably more of a burden to this family than anything, but I am who I am and even if I bring one good thing to the table, I hope that its not taken for granted..... But here is the big thing I realized.... Here in PA there is a ton of people that still rely on my computer help... I sent out an email this past week saying that Saturday and Sunday were *MY* days and I did not want to be working on computers..... but then I called Bud and he said not to even worry about helping him out on Monday.... this was so greatly appriciated because of his respect that I have a life too.... but the next thing I knew, I was talking about the possibility of helping him out with a little project Saturday morning..... and yes, it was *MY* idea.... yet someone else called and told me their computer crashed and the last thing I wanted to do was even think about looking at their machine.... whats the difference? I realized today that I actually enjoy helping Bud with his computers.... I dont mind even the slighest bit.... and I helped Beth out tonight too and I enjoyed that as well.... but the other person I dont even want to look at their machine.... well, there are alot of things that roll into that. First of all, of all the people I know, Bud is one of the greatest people I know. There are very few people that are as upstanding as him.... He's got a good heart and a good head. And the big thing? He appriciates what I do. He realizes that if a computer in his office doesnt boot it doesnt neccesarily mean that its my immediate emergency but whats more important is that he also realizes that it's not the end of the world. So please explain to me how this person can lose thousands of dollars over a computer being down and yet its not the end of the world, but someone else's daughter cant get on the internet and someone has to stop the world from turning until its fixed. Come on! Whats worse is when you ask for advice from me, you dont take it, and then next thing you know I'm supposed to support the results of not taking my advice.... and heaven forbid it take a while. Why cant those people realize that I am a human being as well and that I have a life and that, yes, even geeks need to relax sometimes. People tell me all the time that they wish they knew half of what I know.... and I simply respond "No, you dont.... you have no idea what its like"..... But thats the thing.... I love working with Bud and Beth and alot of other friends..... I love working on my grandmother's computer.... these people all really appriciate what it is that I do.... some pay me, and some dont.... but its not about money.... it may help when I'm setting priorities but thats not what makes the job worth doing.... what makes the job worth doing is when I can do something that I already enjoy and it not be a chore and I realize that what I do is appriciated. See, maybe it takes time out of my schedule, but its something that I ENJOY doing.... but when the situation is different and I am expected to fix something immediately, its not longer a chore... thats when it becomes a job. That's also the point where I do an in and out thing.... get in, make it work, and get out.... but do you think thats what I do at Bud's office? Not at all! I go in, I do the job that needs done, I do some maintence, I check things... I try new things.... I learn alot and I advance what is going on in the office to the best of my ability while at the same time increasing my ability.... and Bud knows that if the world does stop, he can certainly call me at any time and I will do whatever I can in my power to help him out... and I know that that will be appriciated.... but if I'm in a meeting and I cant take the call, he understands that too.... While Bud is very high on my priority list because of that appriciation, that doesnt mean that I *CAN* put him at the very top.... sometimes I wish I could... but that isnt the reality of things. So maybe this will speak to someone.... realize what people do for you and what that means to you... and then let them know.... Believe me, you'll get alot more out of them, they'll feel better, and everyone just wins. It's all about appriciation.... If my church offered me a job right now for less money than I make at Carpathia, there is a good chance that I would take it (provided it was enough to live on).... Simply because its not about the money but about what you can really do to help, what the common goal is, and above all else, its how much you are appriciated...... So, wow, this is becomming a long blog. But the last thing about my day.... I was very frustrated all day and kind of out of it..... but then I went to Beth's and fixed her computer for her and finally got a hold of Patti to find out about visiting Eli.... she had him tonight so I ended up going over and Eli came with us to do some shopping.... We ended up getting a few Portable DVD players for $-5 ... yes, the - is there on purpose. Radio Shack made an error I guess and posted two rebates on their website for this player which, once rebates are received, you make $5 on the deal.... Its a little skeptical as to whether the second rebate will work but Radio Shack did say they will honor the rebate forms that were already released..... if they dont, I think it'll be a PR nightmare for them..... but then I went back to Patti's house and let Eli open his present from me.... I got him a little laser tag set.... but it was too late to play with it so I am gonna go back on Monday and play with him again!!! :) Eli can make the worst day into the best day.... He's the sweetest little boy in the world. And it really melts your heart when someone cries when you leave.... its hard for me to see Eli cry for any reason, but I like to know that I mean something to him.... I guess it goes back to the appriciation thing. Another thing was he called me "dad" twice tonight. the first time he caught himself and said "I mean Bobby" and the second time I asked him what my name was and he said "oh... bobby" .... Believe me, any time that he does this, I correct him... I'm not his dad, nor will I ever be.... but I do love him like he was my own son..... but even tho I correct him and make sure he realizes that I'm not his dad, it still melts my heart more than you can even imagine.... Yaknow.... just thinking about a survey I did on myspace a few days ago.... it asked who the last person that said "I love you" to you and really meant it was.... I didnt answer this way.... but the true answer to that question is Eli.... We tell each other "I love you" all the time.... and sometimes I feel like he is the only person that does. And yes, my mom says it too.... and not to discount that she does love me.... but she has to say it, yaknow? Thats a natural thing.... but when your best friend in the whole world is a 5 year old boy and he loves you with all his heart and you love him with all your heart, well, then.... that's a strong feeling.... Well, I think I need to get to bed. I hope everyone has a great Christmas! I'm sure there will be another blog soon! God Bless and goodnight! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, December 23, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
And of course, Christmas dreams don't come true for me. I really have to completely stop having any kind of hope in this at all.... Argh..... I better go to bed and cry myself to sleep. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, December 22, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Wednesday, December 21, 2005 |
"This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it" One more shift before I start my vacation..... ahhhhhhh :) (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Tuesday, December 20, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Monday, December 19, 2005 |
Today at church the sermon was about Mary and Joseph.... Here's the thing that hit me out of this whole sermon tho.... What was the biggest thing that stood out to me? Fear! So much fear..... Brett put it best in his sermon tho.... If an angel of the Lord appears to you and says "this is how it will be" ... are you going to argue with him? Well, thats what Mary did.... she questioned how a virgin birth could happen.... eventually tho, she realized that it was to be..... then joseph.... You kinda have to feel bad for the man.... the woman he loves goes away for 3 months and she comes back pregnant.... what do you think? Honestly, put that in the context of today.... there'd be some pretty creative names for Mary.... Think of the fear that kept joseph from believing.... but God understood and gave him a message.... and it was tough.... ultimately, fear hindered them both but didnt stop them.... but what if it had? Think about that the next time you KNOW you have to make a decission and you KNOW what that decission needs to be but you are scared to death.... just think that if fear ultimately won over Mary and Joseph.... think of what would have changed..... just think about it.... then ask yourself if you are ready to destroy something beautiful that God has planned. In so many cases the things God prepares for us is absolutely not logical in any way shape or form.... and these thoughts have been hitting me all day and then I was telling Kim the story of my car situation when I first moved here to VA. If you cant remember, look back on my blog.... very interesting times.... but here is the thing.... God had really provided for my needs as well as someone else's needs. There was alot of stupid stuff that happened.... and alot of dumb luck.... and I made decissions that made people go "what the heck is he doing... he is such an idiot and has no clue about anything" .... but I did what I believed.... and in the end..... well, let's just say this.... how many people can say "ummm.... I ended up with an extra car... what should I do with it?" Sure, the logical worldy answer is sell it.... but if God has opened a door and completely provided for your needs and gave you more than enough.... what is the best thing to do? Use the abundance to bless others.... it's what I did then.... and it's what I hope to do now. See thats the thing that no one realizes.... making the unpopular decissions is so many times the decission God wants us to make so that He can abundantly bless us. Sure I was called stupid.... yes, to my face.... but I stuck through with what I needed to do.... sure I was hurt by the reaction.... but I did what I believed I needed to do..... and what ended up happening? Well, in an amazing way, I ended up with being forgiven of a $2k loan in a time of more need.... So God provided for my needs, I used the abundance that He gave me to provide for someone else's needs (whether they wanted God to provide or not) and in the end, all it did was provide for another one of my needs.... So here's something on a more personal level that is really bugging me.... and I'm scared to death to post this because of being yelled at for it.... but I guess I need to do what I feel is right.... maybe this will somehow minister to someone else.... I dont know how, but then again, I never dreamed when I started this blog that I would get emails from complete strangers saying how much I have impacted their life.... so anyway, a few months before Tiff and I broke up, we were looking into ways for her to move to Virginia..... moving in with me was an option.... (before you say it, shut up).... it made sense in a lot of senses and I really prayed about it but the end was Tiff felt it was going to destory her dream of getting to Vet school.... amazingly, God clearly showed that being a VA resident only increased her chances of Vet School.... but then it was more of an issue of us living together..... now let me take a break here..... When someone says "God told me to _____ " you do have to be very skeptical.... but at the same time, you have to weight it against Biblical guidelines. There is nothing in the Bible that I could find that indicates a man and woman should not live in the same house/apartment.... However, it does say about temptation.... therefore, I have to say that most people shouldnt do it..... but, it is not Biblical wrong..... if someone tells you that "God said this is the 67th book of the Bible" then you immediately know its not because in Revelation is specifically states not to add or remove from the words of Scripture.... Relate this back to Mary and Joseph and think about it..... was there anything wrong with being pregnant before marriage? Well, no... there wasnt.... but sex before marriage is definately wrong. So put that into perspective.... an image was painted of a sinful act, but it really wasnt.... and this was the source of our Lord........ ok, so anyway, it was an issue of us living together.... So next thing I did was talk to my pastor because it was very important to see Tiffany's dreams come true... it was also very important that we were able to spend more time together to keep our relationship alive.... Mike told me he didnt agree with her moving in with me but he said he wasnt saying no but he was advising against it.... either way, Tiff had made up her mine and that was fine. So, Just like God gave Moses the option of taking Aaron along with him, God gave another option here.... Moses argued with God that he was not able to do what God had commanded. God became frustrated with Moses but then did bring Aaron along to go along side him.... God gave a second chance to Moses to be involved in this great thing God was about to do. So the second chance in this story... We were going to find someone at the church that Tiff could live with.... whether it be a family, room mate..... heck.... Mike even told me the church was looking for some office staff that Tiff could fill and actually have an income while getting ready for vet school.... It wasnt long after this that Tiff and I fell apart.... I started becomming an emotional basket case and I was too much for her to deal with.... I was getting worse because I didnt have her here with me and it seemed like she was .... well, it doesnt matter.... I felt rejected in the relationship and eventually, she said it had to end and she gave up..... and for the longest time I said that that must have been the way God meant it to be. Fear is what killed alot of hopes and dreams.... and I dont believe that things would still be as they are now if fear hadnt killed a relationship.... my fear of Tiff leaving me, and Tiff's fear of her parents rejecting her and her fear of commitment..... Earlier I said that things arent as they should be and that is why I need to make some pretty tough decissions right now. No one likes to make tough decissions so thats where I'm at... but that is the extent of it.... I am extremely happy in my life right now..... And God is taking care of me and He is providing for me... and He is using me whether I am worthy of it or not.... in fact, I'm probably the least worthy of serving God.... I'm not even worthy of cleaning His toilets! So whats the problem? Well.... this isnt how God intended it.... not at all. I'm faced with the decission of staying in VA for my church for Christmas and being completely alone.... or I can go home and miss out on church.... so whats wrong? Well.... whats wrong is that Tiff isnt here..... I believe that Tiff and I both needed to get away from our families because they were both killing us.... nothing against the families (I really do love my family) but it was becoming stressful.... God was starting to do things in my life and in Tiff's life that just werent east for our families to accept... more so than that, there were HUGE hinderances to what God wanted us to do.... Basically, both families put alot of fear in us from doing the right things..... not that it was intentional.... it just happened.... bottom line is we needed out.... and I am out now and my dreams are coming true .... Sure, im not seemingly progressing too well on the goal of my life (having a great wife and kids) but I know God's setting up plan B (or maybe it's C or D... or Q) for my family.... The thing is this.... if Tiff was living in VA, by now she would have been completely comfortable here.... and I think that it would have been a no brainer that Tiff and I stay in VA for Christmas.... we'd have each other to spend time with and we would be here for New Life.... the ultimate reason why ALOT of people at New Life are now living in Northern VA. So there it is.... the no brainer..... So now you've read this.... its out there in the public... and please think of me because I've probably just destroyed alot of hope of things working towards the direction that I had hoped them to.... It feels good to get this out there but I know I know I've pretty much.... well, lets just say I'm a bit worried about the results of this.... but the thing is.... if this post ministers to someone and touches someone.... maybe makes someone else feel a bit better... or shows them a way that they have been avoiding... well, then I guess any pain that I get because I posted this is all worth it. It's not about me.... its not about what I have.... its about what I can give.... and that is what is most important to me. I have alot of frustrations in my life... but the biggest one of all is when I see someone hurting and I cant do a single thing about it..... that is the worst frustration for me. But people still may ask me what it is that I truly want for Christmas. If I could ask for one selfish thing for me for Christmas, what would it be? Honestly? It would be when I arrive back to my parents house this Thursday, I see Tiff sitting there waiting for me.... a big hug would be nice too.... but then again, that is the last thing possible that will happen.... especially after I posted this..... so I guess maybe I should ask for a second choice for my selfish thing that I could do for me..... Somehow, someway, see that Tiff's dreams are coming true and that she is once happy again.... but then again, I dont have control over that.... only she can make the decissions so I'm out of the loop.... So there.... there is alot of what has been on my mind.... alot of it tied together with things that God showed me today.... plenty of stuff in there to completely attack me with... plenty of stuff for people to come back on me about..... I'm sure there's stuff in there that people will make out to be that I'm a horrible Christian or that I'm an idiot.... or that I'm making stuff up.... or that I'm being too personal... or that I'm saying too much... or that I'm hurting myself or others or that I'm doing this or that..... but yaknow what? There is one thing that I have learned over the last few years.... its that all these people that continually tell me they are only trying to teach me a lesson have, in all reality, taught me one of the most important lessons of my life..... that it doesnt matter what others think...... Honestly... you want to attack me for something, go right ahead.... something tells me that your not gonna be the first and that your definately not going to be the last.... I'm not anywhere near worthy of being God's servant, but for some reason, I am.... and just like anyone else out there who really truly wants to serve God, I am on the same level as Mary, Joseph, Job, James, Mathew, Mark, etc, etc.... I follow what I believe and what God shows me and shares with me.... So go ahead.... there is a cross with my name on it.... it has all of the sins that I ever commited.... so nail me to it.... because when you do that, I know that I can look to the side and see Jesus hanging there on the cross next to me.... I can look in His eyes and ask Him to remember me.... He will then tell me that I will spend eternity with Him in Heaven..... (It took me an hour to write this blog and may just be one of the top 10 longest posts I ever made - maybe even the longest - but I guess if you're reading this line here, you made it through and you truly are interested in my life and what thoughts I have on my mind. I dont suspect that I'll hear much from anyone tho because I would think most people have stopped about half way through this. If your reading this tho, please send me an email or post a comment and let me know.) (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Sunday, December 18, 2005 |
At any rate, I still dont know what I'm doing about Christmas.... I'm so torn. I want to be at New Life for the Christmas Eve and the Christmas services.... but yet I want to go home.... but then again, I sometimes feel so out of place at home because im getting so much more used to being here..... but if I stay here for Christmas, then outside of the church services, I'll be all alone for Christmas..... Sadly, I'm realizing that things arent like they should be right now and that is why I need to make this decission..... I'll have to touch on that a little bit later..... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
it never used to be that bright last night but it's a new day with fuzz in my eyes alarm is still ringing when I open the blinds how do these people do it they are like driving around like there's nothing to it I imagine it's like the medication their on or probably just the coffee but one thing is certain in life and that is that today I'm going to eat cereal I mean come on let's get our priorities straight but before I know it I'm out the door late just trying to catch some rat or some race or something I'm not quite sure what it is so for now I just best keep moving and by nine a.m. my brain and my body finally decide to meet and we come to the same conclusion as yesterday that I never get enough sleep {chorus}: sleep, no I never get enough always waking up tired sleep, no I never get enough if I don't show up I might get fired sleep, no I never get enough always waking up tired sleep, no I never get enough if I don't show up I might get fired they call it commuting but I think they should call it intravenous cause it's what I need every time I get stuck behind a truck, just trying to turn left just trying to turn left, why are you trying to turn left why don't you park your silly cube van hop in I'll drop you off cause at this rate we'll both be late but I'd rather be late than sitting here doing nothing and by nine a.m. my brain and my body finally decide to meet and we come to the same conclusion as yesterday that I never get enough sleep {bridge}: sleep go on and sleep some more sleep go on and sleep some more "Sleep" by Riley Armstrong (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Saturday, December 17, 2005 |
Things are working out well for me right now. Sure there is a few frustrations, but life without them is just plain boring. Maybe I dont have everything I wanted or everything I expected to have right now.... but the truth is that I'm probably happier than if I had everything I wanted. What reason is there to complain? Some great things are happening and I know God is going to use me, and already is. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Actually... the more I think about this, it really seems that sometimes God allows you to change back to a certain way of thinking just to give someone else another shot.... We know that God is all about second and third (and more) chances.... but I think that sometimes He wont let that chance be given to someone else through us. I've seen this in relationships and I've seen this in jobs. I find myself coming back to a person or a job or whatever else and that lasts for a time..... and I guess that maybe those times are when God is giving that person/company a window of opportunity to change something..... but what holds them back? Probably a number of things.... I think fear is the absolute destruction of following God. You have to take so many steps of faith to be in tune with God.... and if your affraid of the unknown and you constantly ask yourself "what-ifs", then you simply arent going to make it until you learn to do that. People have taken chances on me.... people have given up on me.... and whether they followed God's will or not is not for me to decide.... did it drastically affect me? Very much so! But the thing is that in the end, things have become better or are becoming better. Look at Carpathia.... I had to make some very drastic decissions.... and actually, I changed my way of thinking quite a few times.... and I really believe those were all at God's lead and part of God's plan for letting Carpathia resolve things that needed resolved.... and what happened? Well... Carpathia took that chance on me, gave me a raise, etc.... and here I am.... working for Carpathia and loving it.... but what would have happened if I never followed God's lead and gave my two weeks notice on a complete step of faith? What if Carpathia didnt decide to take a chance on me? Life is all about taking chances and stepping out in faith and following your heart. You can not, in any way, except others to make the decissions for you. If you want to follow God you absolutely have to step out in faith and say "Ok God, this is what I believe you are telling me.... so here goes" ... And if your heart really believes that I think even if you are wrong, God is going to honor it because you actually took that step with the right heart and He'll make sure He takes care of you. Where I'm at right now.... I cant imagine having a tug at my heart that I'm too affraid to make known.... I dont know how I would or even could handle that. God has prepared me so much to take these huge steps and huge leaps and to ignore what others think of me.... if I was affraid to follow God's lead, I just dont know how I would survive.... I really think the greatest blessing that God has given me over the last year is the growth of my faith. I have alot of room to improve.... but the increase is great. I really do think it's the greatest blessing I have right now.... Even better than my new friends, my new church, etc, etc.... all extremely awesome blessings.... but knowing that God is going to take care of me and being able to take steps of faith is, by far, the greatest blessing I have right now. Are you afraid to take a step that God wants you to take? The only way your going to build your faith is to just do it.... see what happens..... and if you fall flat on your face, then so what? You get right back up and go again..... but God help you if you dont take that step of faith and have to live with that decission for the rest of your life.... Just some thoughts on my mind right now.... its way past my bedtime for a Friday night so I'm headed there right now. Have a great weekend everyone! I love you all! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, December 16, 2005 |
Im kinda down again tonight. Dont take my post earlier the wrong way.... the Christmas party was really cool and really nice. Carpathia really put alot into and it was awesome.... I guess I just dont really fit in with them that well..... Maybe its because I dont work close enough with them.... or maybe its just because I'm a different person...... And its not that its a bad thing to work with them.... but I'm not like them.... I dont have the same interests.... Maybe I am just a scape goat..... people ask the world of me and I give willingly because it makes me happy.... but then those same people have no cares about my needs.... Even if something is justifiable.... Im the type of person that seems to not be able to do anything right.... I can do something wrong in someone's eyes, I correct it, and then I'm wrong for the way I corrected it.... not matter about the motive of me wanting to resolve the issue.... Its hard.... And then I get people that just send me emails and stuff saying "things arent good... please pray for me" .... and its not that I wont pray for them and that I dont care.... but if thats all I ever hear without even knowing whats going on or what I'm even praying about you kind of start to feel "used" in a way. Granted, I ask for prayer alot on my blog and in emails to my friends.... but I always follow that up with what happened and how things are working and I always try to keep relationships open with all of the people that read this (at least the ones I know of) and the people I email.... and if any of them (you) have needs, I want to hear about them.... The Body of Christ is all about sharing needs.... It's a TEAM in the best sense of the word. A corporation works best when all members of the team work together and share the work load and help each other out.... As the Body of Christ, we need to take that a step higher. I dont want to be someone who dishes out my needs to everyone but doesnt want to hear whats going on in other's lives.... the thing is I want to be involved and I want those who are praying for me to be involved as well..... Galatians 6:2 - "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" . This afternoon I was extremely content.... and maybe I still am.... but I did have my feelings hurt quite a few times tonight.... and its tough to swallow that so I guess I'm a little out of it right now.... but dont we all have those times? Honestly, I am content. I am liking my job.... I'm moving next month, I'm getting a new car next week, and I've met a really awesome girl who is actually interested in me as well as alot like me.... Doesnt mean we're gonna go out or anything but its nice to feel like you are wanted and that someone is actually interested in seeing how things go.... Even if this was the last day I talked to her, it would still be great knowing she was interested..... Who knows? Maybe things will go really well..... That is all up to God.... the point is that I am content with my life right now.... very content. One of my favorite songs is by John Reuben and is called "All I Have" .... in that song there is a line that really hits home.... "Whoever thought that being content was the dream come true" .... Well, this sums it up I think. We look for the stars and stress ourselves out over it... and thats not the way we should do things. God may give us the stars, but its not something we're gonna have to work at. I mean... I really wanted a Tiburon and it looked good for getting it.... but now that I'm getting this Elantra, I'm really happy about it.... maybe even more happy than if I got the Tiburon.... and jobs? Heck, we all know how I've been going crazy over jobs.... and really, there was a real need to look and it was through some of that that things got better.... I followed God's lead of putting my 2 weeks in at Carpathia even tho I had nowhere else to go.... and we now see why. I'd still be working for the same salary here at Carpathia right now if I didnt follow God's lead..... but now its like I have to realize that its time to be content... God has met my needs and He will continue to do so..... If I got an $80k job, it would probably be harder to swallow going into full time ministry later (which I think God is going to lead me to at some point).... so sometimes being content really is the dream that we dont think to dream about. We (as humans) are always so stressed out anymore.... and the thing is, alot of the times we do it to ourselves.... not all the time, but sometimes we really do. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, December 15, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005 |
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***** I don't like to talk about it, but before I was "out" to anyone, I did have a friend that I met through another friend and he happened to be gay and he killed himself because he couldn't handle the pressure anymore. I question my actions with the whole situation because he confided in me and I freaked out because I wasn't ready to admit I was gay also....if I wouldn't have freaked out he may still be alive today and that is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. Shortly afterwards I made several attempts myself until I realized I could make a difference to someone else. I am the man who stopped attending church because the doors were closed on "mykind" and I realized I couldn't serve their God because I didn't want to be anything like them if it meant turning people away. The thing that means the most to me is your support and encouragement. Although it's to late for me to go back, I am glad that there is someone there for those who are like me and that in itself means alot to me. You Bob, are going to make a difference in your life and make an impact to God's family, you Bob are a true Christian at heart. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Tuesday, December 13, 2005 |
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Monday, December 12, 2005 |
So what happened? Well, Rackables FINALLY called and he said that he talked to HR and he said they won't do the signing bonus..... he said there is a possibility of doing something after your first quarter but that is down the road.... salary still isnt coming up.... I told him I would have to pass..... He wished me the best and that was that. So yea, it was tough turning down that job.... but I knew I had to.... but it was tough... and when you turn down more money, you always want to justify it.... I wanted to figure out how to justify it but I didnt have to... God did it for me :) I called my friend that works for Rackables and he told me that he was completely with me.... He said he did the math Friday even tho he told himself he wasnt going to and he worked 138 hours in the last two weeks..... and on top of this, he found out that new manager (same one that was trying to hire me) is trying to find a way to pay him less..... I'm not against working 65 hour weeks..... but I am against it for what they were going to pay me..... So not only did I turn down this job with Rackables but it looks like they are going to start losing employees..... So, that confirms it.... I made the right decission. As for a car... I dunno right now.... I'm going to call my friend Bruce that was working with me on the car options and see if I can get a cheaper car in the loan I was aproved for.... Having a new car would be a great benefit but without taking this new job, it's not as much of a requirement.... I figure I can put the money into fixing the Samurai and making it legal in VA so I can go back to my two beater plan..... God will provide those needs..... I'm sure of that. Oh and by the way... this ends my active search for a job. Im done stressing myself out over this. If another opportunity comes about without me looking, I'll then look into it.... but someone will have to call me and tell me it's available. I really am enjoying my job at Carpathia again and financially I'm on the right path I think since I did get the raise and I'm moving in with Keith to cut expenses so at the moment, there isnt a need to actively look.... if a better opportunity arises, then we'll cross that bridge then.... but I cant keep stressing myself out over this... I'm content so I'll just stay here for now..... I'll focus on getting things going with my church and stuff and just enjoy my life.... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Sunday, December 11, 2005 |
I'm currently accepting applications for these positions: * Someone to come with me to the Carpathia Christmas party on Thurs * Someone to go to see Trans Siberian Orchestra with me on the 22nd * Someone to kiss me on New Years So far.... none of the above are looking good.... and the lower on the list, the less likely they are...... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Saturday, December 10, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
And yes, some of this is regarding Tiff.... she text'd me today.... first I've heard from her at all since she got back from Wolf Park.... her grandpa passed away..... but she didnt text me for that... she just wanted to let me know that she was letting her parents use her phone while they went to SC.... which is fine.... but I she has another cell phone too apparently..... I guess I've had hope for a while that she would start wanting to talk to me and stuff but now I guess I'm seeing that only the opposite is true.... she doesnt need me.... she doesnt want me..... so why do I sit here and get myself worked up over this? I dunno.... something isnt right.... Maybe Tiff and I never will have a relationship again.... but it is killing me that she totally threw are relationship away and it seems like she decieved me and in a way, she used me..... And now the emails start pouring in about "Bob why are you even thinking of her...." blah blah blah........ if thats whats on your mind, then you just stop reading my blog and leave me alone.... Its obvious that you dont understand any more than I do..... and I'm tired of hearing it...... Whether Tiff is the one for me or not, there are issues that need taken care of..... I treasure so many memories with Tiff but I'm really starting to feel cursed about the whole thing..... Someday I'll figure it out... Someday God will show me why Tiff is still in my mind and why I cant get her out..... And maybe someday everyone that attacks me regarding tiff will learn to shut the hell up and leave me alone. Im glad it's the weekend.... I think..... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
She's alone again but it's worse than it's never been She hurts so bad down and out, she feels the pain of a broken heart She hurts so bad she feels the pain of a broken heart The black rain falls, the river runs red Like a crown of thorns to my head She holds the cross in her hand but she feels so could and lost Take a look inside, nowhere to run, no place to hide She never told a lie, put her faith in love, never compromised She had a heavy gun but she tied her strings, she never come undone "Thorns" by Bride (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, December 09, 2005 |
T G I F I can wait to get tonight's shift and tomorrow shift out of the way and just forget about everything for the weekend.... I thought that I'd have a clear idea of what was going on with Rackables and with a car and such but I'm less sure now than I was the start of the week.... I just want things to settle down... at least for a little bitting..... its pretty stressful.... and I feel bad beacause there are alot of people that need my computer help but I just dont have the time right now..... Looking forward to church on Sunday.... I am every week but especially this week..... Maybe I might even get to hang out with some friends tomorrow night? That would be nice....... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
user: ****** tech support: ..... user: really, it's ******. now you don't even know if i'm really stupid or really smart. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
First real snow of the season!!! We're supposed to get like 6" (18cm for my Romanian viewers) in the next 24 hours and half of that before sunrise...... Skiing season is here....... Hmmmm.... Wait..... I gotta drive home now....... Should be fun! :) This message was sent using PIX-FLIX Messaging service from Verizon Wireless! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, December 08, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I just got off the phone with Mike (my pastor)... He called to thank me for fixing the laptop for the church and stuff.... this is one of the things I was kinda bugged about last night.... but it wasnt really that I was bugged about IT... I was just bugged about all that has been going on. Its no secret that I have been down the last few days.... I havent been getting much sleep and alot has been dumped on my plate... and like any human, I started really falling into the downward spiral.... but its not that God stopped watching or caring.... He knew what was going on.... and in just one phone call from my pastor, I feel better than anyone can even imagine. There are alot of changes coming my way.... ALOT.... and I honestly am really excited about all of them..... but like any human, change scares me.... Granted, I am becoming alot more able to handle change because, quite frankly, my life always changes inside this plan that God has for me..... but I think that maybe I was subconciously getting scared of what the future holds. Alot of things on a personal level have been bugging me... I am struggling with some things that I have been struggling for years.... temptations are strong.... yet I know that they are strong because satan knows some great things are ahead and nothing would make him happier than destroying those great things.... but I'm going to stand strong. Sometimes I do feel like I'm alone and that is a big struggle.... the fact that I havent heard from Tiff since she has been home is killing me..... Its hard for me to understand why it is that she just left it all go.... Yes, I miss her and I miss the times I had with her.... and I have alot of regrets of things I have done in that relationship.... and I also feel alot of pain from the things she did in it.... but its hard when someone you care about sooooo much just disappears out of your life.... sometimes its for a season and sometimes its for the better.... I know that its best that I was single to go through what I went through..... if I wasnt, things would have come out differently... but when someone means that much to you, you still would at least like to keep them in the loop.... but that hasnt happened.... it even seems that she has me on her block list on AIM or something....Havent seen her on AIM in over a month.... I dont know.... I mean, whatever is going on there is whats best and is something that God sees.... Whats in the future? Heck if I know on that aspect.... Sure, I'd still love to marry her.... but if thats not in God's plan, then I'm not going to argue with it.... But the bottom line is that I miss her alot.... and that may be what has been creeping up into my lonliness feeling.... and its not like it used to be where I can't live without her.... I can, and I will.... but I miss her being around. I'm glad that I've reached a point where I can function without having her or even having any girlfriend at all.... but it feels almost as if a relative dies.... Your life goes on without them.... you know you can live without them and you do just fine.... but you still miss them.... and I guess thats how I feel right now.... so that is something that has been going on.... So it feels good to get that off of my chest..... I'm feeling alot better now.... Talking with Mike has really helped me put alot of things in perspective... and its kinda funny that it wasnt really even anything he said... all I had to do was listen to what I said... and I realized that things are really working out for me and I really believe I am on the edge of something great. It looks like I got a great job offer coming, it looks like I'm going to actually be getting the car of my dreams (aside from a Suzuki Jimny :), I'm gonna be moving in with a really good friend and cutting some costs while having someone closer to me..... but above all else.... God has something going on for His Kingdom too.... There is no mistake that I am at New Life.... and there is no doubt that God is going to do (well, already doing) something great with that church.... and I am a part of whatever that is..... That is by far the greatest thing in my life right now. So I'm up for the second time today :) ... and it is a new day..... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
*sigh* (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Wednesday, December 07, 2005 |
At least I got something to smile about tonight. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I'm really out of it...... I know good things are on the way.... I'm sure of that.... but it's so hard not to have anyone to share those good times with... or anyone to hang out with or talk to..... I guess thats why I miss Lock Haven so much.... for the first time in my life, someone was there for me every day..... Something I never had and, the way things are going, may never have again..... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I hope I can fall asleep soon...... (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I really need to sleep.... I hope I can fall asleep soon :( (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Tuesday, December 06, 2005 |
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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
You absolutely have to love this company. They by far have the best practices I have seen anywhere.... and their innovation truly is innovation. Anyway, this is a good article to read. I dont think people realize what it is that is behind the google.com web page that virtually everyone visits multiple times a day. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Dad should be here in about an hour.... let's have faith that we'll get this car fixed and everything will be fine :) (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Alone in this house again tonight I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine Theres pictures of you and I on the walls around me the way that it was and should have been surrounds me I'll never get over you walkin' away Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain To hell with my pride Let it fall like rain, from my eyes Tonight I wanna cry. Would it help if i turned a sad song on "All by Myself" would sure hit me hard, now that you're gone Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain To hell with my pride Let it fall like rain, from my eyes Tonight I wanna cry. oOOo Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain To hell with this pride Let it fall like rain, from my eyes Tonight I wanna cry. mmhmm mm "Tonight I Wanna Cry" by Keith Urban (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Monday, December 05, 2005 |
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I just want to help people.... That's all. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
at least I'm finally in the tow truck and warm. So what happened was I was just sitting at a red light waiting to turn and all of a sudden steam started pouring out from under my hood and then I could smell anti freeze.... I know enough about cavaliers to know that you don't stop and think about what to do.... You just shut them off so they don't over heat. So I called AAA and the sheriff to come sit behind my car..... The tow truck beat the sheriff... I love our police forces down here.... If they can't turn it into a money making citation, they don't bother. So anyway, I guess dad is coming down tomorrow morning. I called the one garage I deal with sometimes and they quoted me $125 for a radiator hose..... My dad argued with me when I told him it would cost $50..... He just can't seem to realize that this isn't PA...... Hopefully it is just a hose and dad and I can fix it.... Otherwise, who knows.... God will provide somehow..... He always does no matter how scared I am..... Please keep me in your prayers. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
He was waiting for the bus in his army green Sat down in a booth in a cafe there Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair He's a little shy so she gives him a smile And he said would you mind sittin' down for a while And talking to me, I'm feeling a little low She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go So they went down and they sat on the pier He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care I got no one to send a letter to Would you mind if I sent one back here to you Chorus: I cried Never gonna hold the hand of another guy Too young for him they told her Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier Our love will never end Waitin' for the soldier to come back again Never more to be alone when the letter said A soldier's coming home So the letters came from an army camp In California then Vietnam And he told her of his heart It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of He said when it's getting kinda rough over here I think of that day sittin' down at the pier And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile Don't worry but I won't be able to write for awhile [Chorus] One Friday night at a football game The Lord's Prayer said and the Anthem sang A man said folks would you bow your heads For a list of local Vietnam dead Crying all alone under the stands Was a piccolo player in the marching band And one name read and nobody really cared But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair [Chorus] [Chorus] "Traveling Soldier" by Dixie Chicks (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
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Sunday, December 04, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I guess I've done alot.... and Im sure there is more to come.... but it's my friends and family that are there for me helping me through it all. I heard "Baby Girl" by Sugarland today on the radio and it was kind of a reassurance to me (I'll put the lyrics at the bottom of this post). I pray that one day I will be able to give back to all of those people that helped me out. People that read my blog and my emails always wanting to know whats up... showing that they care.... my family who is just unbelivable.... and my friends..... so many friends to thank.... All of my friends back in PA that are still with me.... people that taught me a lot and still continue to teach me.... and all of my new friends down here. Keith has done so much in helping me get down here and help get me adjusted and helping me with jobs and stuff.... and my friends from church who are just really welcoming and really care about me.... and, heck, my church it's self. Maybe I am doing some cool things and I'll be doing some great things.... but really its not me.... its the people in my life helping me and it's a loving God above watching over me and guiding me in the right directions even tho it may seem that I'm going in circles..... Maybe it's true that I'm dealing with alot of lonliness right now.... Not having that special girl in my life is tough.... but its not unbearable and its not like I can not live without her.... It's tough this time of year for me but its something I can pull through and be just fine... and learn alot on the way. I dont know where I'll be next year.... next month.... next week..... heck, I dont know where I'll be in the next day.... but I know that I'll be led by God and that I will have a group of amazing friends and family there for me where.... wherever that might be. "Baby Girl" by Sugarland They say this town the stars stay up all night, well I don't know, can't see em, through glow of the neon lights well its a long way from here, to the place where the home fires burn, well its two thousand miles and one left turn... [Chorus:] Dear Mom and Dad please send money, I'm so broke that it ain't funny, well I dont need much just enough to get me through, please dont worry cause I'm alright, see I'm playing here at the bar tonight well in this town I'm going to make our dreams come true. well I love you more than anything in the world, Love your baby girl black top, blue skies big town full of little white lies, everybodys your friend, you can never be sure, they'll promise fancy cars and diamond rings and all sorts of shiny things, but girl you'll remember what your knees are for [Chorus:] Dear Mom and Dad please send money, I'm so broke that it ain't funny, well I dont need much just enough to get me through, please dont worry cause I'm alright, see I'm playing here at the bar tonight well in this town I'm going to make our dreams come true. well I love you more than anything in the world, love your baby girl I know that I'm on my way, I can tell everytime I play, I'll know that it's worth all the dues I payed when I can write to you and say: Dear Mom and Dad I'll send money I'm so rich that it ain't funny well it ought to be more than enough to get you through please dont worry becasue I'm alright see I'm staying here at the Ritz tonight what do ya know it made our dreams come true and there are fancy cars and diamond rings but you know that they dont mean a thing cause they all add up to nothing compared to you, well remember me in ribbons and curls, I still love you more than anything in the world, Love your baby girl Your baby girl (Dear Mom and Dad please send money, I'm so broke that it ain't funny, well I dont need much just enough to get me through) Your baby girl (please dont worry cause I'm alright, see I'm playing here at the bar tonight -dreams come true.) (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Friday, December 02, 2005 |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I talked to Rackables for a long time today.... things are looking good! They are going to have me an official offer either tonight or Monday. This offer will not be the salary I was asking for but is definately a salary that I feel is more than fair... especially since the benefits are much better than what I have now (especially medical) as well as I will have stock options.... for a growing company like Rackables, this is an amazing thing. I think that I am going to ask if they could possible give me a signing bonus... reason is that this job will require alot of travel.... Although I know my Cavalier is a solid car right now, I dont know if it's the best option for me to still be using a 1993 car with 130k miles on it for a job like what I will (most likely) be taking..... So, a new car is something that I need to consider.... this is a hard thing for me to consider right now because of the cost associated with it.... I would need to have a car payment and my insurance would be alot higher because of full coverage plus it being a new car.... and you have to consider the 3% annual tax that VA charges for cars that are worth over $1k.... So its a big bite but its something that I think is justified..... The salary will be higher but also my costs will be lower because I will be moving in with Keith in January..... not to mention that with the traveling, when I am away from home, all of my meals will be reimbursed.... I'm looking at a 2005 Hyundai Tiburon.... my friend Bruce at Cochran up in Monroeville (PA) can get me a real nice GT model for under $18k.... it'll have my sound system in it as well as leather and sun roof :) Plus they are economical cars.... MPG isnt quite as high as my Cavalier because it is a V6 but its still in mid-20s for highway.... So I think it's justified but if anyone thinks that it is not, please let me know.... I definately have meen trying to be better with my money and I am content with my Cavalier but with all the traveling that will be required, I think a new car may be justified. Well, I have to leave for work now.... I'll keep you guys posted more. Thanks for your continued prayers! I love you all! (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, December 01, 2005 |
Bloggers Break Sony See.... Us Bloggers DO serve a purpose :) (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
I'm gonna start my own retail store :) The smaller a company is, the better service you get..... thats pretty much a proven fact.... and with Wal Mart... they are way too big... they dont care... why would they? (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved
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