I have recently been doing some reading (yes, me... believe it or not). What I just read really kinda hit me.... everyone knows that your relationship with your parents and the way your parents handle things directly affect the way you live life.... but I know that I, at least, never realized just how much. The child development process is crucial... there is a serious need for authority but yet you can cross the line. It develops how well you will handle situations in the future... how well you will stand in adulthood... I think we all knew that... but what I didnt realize is the 2 seperate ways a parent needs to behave. Around the age of 10 there is an incredible shift in the way a parent has to respond to their child. As a young child, its crucial that the parent set distinct boundaries.... the child at this point is forming a relationship with the parents and this is where they learn how to be a follower. The learn alot of how their world works.... as a teen, the parent needs to let go.... of course, this is a basis that I think everyone knows. The thing that is so different is in the earlier stages of parenthood, you need to be in complete control and the less that you have, the more dangerous it is.... in the later stages, it is COMPLETELY opposite. The more control you have in the late stages, the worse it is. If the teen can not seperate from his or her parents, then the teen can not survive in the real world. The shocking fact that I learned is that if the parent still has complete control through the teen years, this teen is alot more likely to be vulnerable to cults and the like. The interesting part is why this is. As adults, we look to different people for different things. We call a plumber when we have a leak but while the plumber is there, we dont ask him to repair our television. This is the way life is designed. God gave us each our own talents so that we can serve a certain purpose... we're not supposed to serve EVERY purpose. The problem is that if a parent doesnt let go in the teen years, the teen develops the need for a central point of everything and the result becomes replacing their Heavenly Father with a god-like figure on earth. Someone that they can go to for a solution to everything... which is obviously what a cultist is. There is certainly alot of damage done to those who don't end up in a cult (which, honestly, most dont). The problem is the person can not relate to their world. They are affraid of things of adulthood because their still in "child-like stages". One great example is sexual things.... The person is so pushed away from sexual relationships that they refuse even that which God has intended.... the reason is: they are still a child. They cant make clear decissions on what they want and need in life. They are perpetually confused at what is going on and can't make sense of alot of things. This is all a result of the parent not letting go when they time came. Many times the person is affraid to do what they need to do because of the high influence of their parents. God said to "train up a child in the way that he should go. This means not letting the parent's desires for their child affect God's blueprints for that child. When a parent doesnt let go, the person is more focused on what their parents have put in them than what God's actual plan is for them. We are to train them in the way they should go.... God doesnt say "Show them where they should go" ... It's a matter of pointing them in the right direction but not to the exact point... the exact point is for God to decide.
I dont really understand why this idea struck me so heavily.... maybe it's just a way of preparing me for my future as a father.... I dont think this has much bearing on my personal life (I'm sure some may, tho). The book I was reading isnt even focused on that subject.... but it was in there.... and it hit me, so I needed to share it......
I think I may go watch some more TV and continue this day of (hopefully) complete relaxation.
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved
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