Thursday, December 08, 2005
I just got off the phone with Mike (my pastor)... He called to thank me for fixing the laptop for the church and stuff.... this is one of the things I was kinda bugged about last night.... but it wasnt really that I was bugged about IT... I was just bugged about all that has been going on.
Its no secret that I have been down the last few days.... I havent been getting much sleep and alot has been dumped on my plate... and like any human, I started really falling into the downward spiral.... but its not that God stopped watching or caring.... He knew what was going on.... and in just one phone call from my pastor, I feel better than anyone can even imagine.
There are alot of changes coming my way.... ALOT.... and I honestly am really excited about all of them..... but like any human, change scares me.... Granted, I am becoming alot more able to handle change because, quite frankly, my life always changes inside this plan that God has for me..... but I think that maybe I was subconciously getting scared of what the future holds. Alot of things on a personal level have been bugging me... I am struggling with some things that I have been struggling for years.... temptations are strong.... yet I know that they are strong because satan knows some great things are ahead and nothing would make him happier than destroying those great things.... but I'm going to stand strong. Sometimes I do feel like I'm alone and that is a big struggle.... the fact that I havent heard from Tiff since she has been home is killing me..... Its hard for me to understand why it is that she just left it all go.... Yes, I miss her and I miss the times I had with her.... and I have alot of regrets of things I have done in that relationship.... and I also feel alot of pain from the things she did in it.... but its hard when someone you care about sooooo much just disappears out of your life.... sometimes its for a season and sometimes its for the better.... I know that its best that I was single to go through what I went through..... if I wasnt, things would have come out differently... but when someone means that much to you, you still would at least like to keep them in the loop.... but that hasnt happened.... it even seems that she has me on her block list on AIM or something....Havent seen her on AIM in over a month.... I dont know.... I mean, whatever is going on there is whats best and is something that God sees.... Whats in the future? Heck if I know on that aspect.... Sure, I'd still love to marry her.... but if thats not in God's plan, then I'm not going to argue with it.... But the bottom line is that I miss her alot.... and that may be what has been creeping up into my lonliness feeling.... and its not like it used to be where I can't live without her.... I can, and I will.... but I miss her being around. I'm glad that I've reached a point where I can function without having her or even having any girlfriend at all.... but it feels almost as if a relative dies.... Your life goes on without them.... you know you can live without them and you do just fine.... but you still miss them.... and I guess thats how I feel right now.... so that is something that has been going on.... So it feels good to get that off of my chest.....
I'm feeling alot better now.... Talking with Mike has really helped me put alot of things in perspective... and its kinda funny that it wasnt really even anything he said... all I had to do was listen to what I said... and I realized that things are really working out for me and I really believe I am on the edge of something great. It looks like I got a great job offer coming, it looks like I'm going to actually be getting the car of my dreams (aside from a Suzuki Jimny :), I'm gonna be moving in with a really good friend and cutting some costs while having someone closer to me..... but above all else.... God has something going on for His Kingdom too.... There is no mistake that I am at New Life.... and there is no doubt that God is going to do (well, already doing) something great with that church.... and I am a part of whatever that is..... That is by far the greatest thing in my life right now.
So I'm up for the second time today :) ... and it is a new day.....
(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved