Sunday, October 22, 2006
I don't know what direction I need to take... I'm clueless... but then again, what else is new?
Today was an absolutely awesome day! Josh an Elisa invited me to go with them up to some state parks in MD... somewhere around Thurmont, MD. It was absolutely incredible. I did some very very minor "rock climbing" but it was just enough to remind me of how great the outdoors are -- how great the things that God has given us are. I realized that I seriously need to get more of that type of thing in my life. I realized that most of the things that I'm involved in just simply are consuming my life.
I also learned something else today... well, actually, it was more of a re-realization. No one out there really understands me... It seems that everyone has this image of me that I am a computer geek and thats about all that I can enjoy... The truth is that no one has ever taken the time to really find out the things that I enjoy other than that. Sure, I talk about computers alot but not everything I say is computer related.... The thing is, I love being outside more than anyone realizes... I love rock climbing, off roading, spelunking, hiking, etc, etc, etc.... I could spend hours and hours just bouncing around on a pile of rocks and enjoying the surroundings.... The thing is, no one ever would have thought that of me. No one ever thinks to ask....
The hard thing for me is to actually just get myself out and do things by myself. I'm really a social person... yea, no one realizes that either! No one realizes that I need to be around people and that I need to talk... people think that I'm a geek so it's best for everyone if you just leave me alone... or maybe they just dont want to listen to me? I dont know... but whatever it is, it's extremely hard for me to do stuff by myself. I've adapted to going to see movies alone... pretty much every week I go see a movie by myself... simply because of the lack of anything else to do and the lack of anyone to go see a movie with. But what good is that other than the ability to relax for an hour or two?
One of the greatest parts about today was that I ended up in a conversation with a few girls that were up on the outlook that we were at. Ok, yea, sure... they were cute... but that wasnt really it... Being able to have a conversation with a complete stranger is just one of the coolest things in the world...
I want to impact the world -- how am I doing that by being alone all the time. I really seriously wish that there was someone that would really want to constantly be involved in some of these things with me... not just the one-time things... but an ongoing thing... I guess thats why I crave having that special girl in my life... But I guess the reality of the situation is that I am alone in this... and I somehow have to just do it.... It sucks, but I have no other choice.
So if all goes according to plan, after church tomorrow, I am heading back up to Thurmont, MD and just going to do my own thing.... I hate to have to do it alone but I somehow have just got to force myself....
Somehow, someway.... I've got to change things.
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