Sunday, June 03, 2007
The thing that is sucking right now is stuff in the background. When I was having panic attacks a few years back, they happened even despite good things going on. Tonight I am feeling really anxious and I'm somewhat bordering on panic. I'm laying in bed right now completely unable to sleep. I know for one thing that I am worried that I am losing things. Look at my last post and see all the amazing things God has done - yet it seems everytime things this great happen, I start losing things one by one. I fear that process has already started. I know that I pretty much bring it on my self because I can really be a horrible person - I just am affraid that I need to change but will never be able to.
I can't understand all of this at all. I want things to head more towards my dreams. God has really given me more than I could have imagined and I am truly gratefull.... But there are things that I have dreamed of all my life but when there is a glimmer of hope for any of those dreams, that hope is removed rapidly.
I guess I should try to sleep again. I'm really hope this anxiousness ends soon.
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