Tuesday, September 22, 2009 |
John and Kari - September 19, 2009
This weekend my sister married her boyfriend of 7 years.... one of the most exciting and emotional days of my life. Being a groomsman I stood at the front of the church as my dad walked her down the aisle with tears rolling off of my face. I really had not dreamed that it would have been as emotional as it was for me but when I returned to Virginia and was still crying yesterday I realized just how important family is to me and how important family should be to everyone.I've found myself thinking of my sister a lot and, as weird as it may seem, my first memory is when I was 3 years old and Kari was born. I remember being in the hospital and Lori (my other sister) and I had these red stickers that said "I have a new sister" and I remember, for whatever reason, I decided that I wanted to see what happened if you stuck 2 stickers together and Lori seemed interested too.... so, that's what we did.... and then when my mom told us (I'm pretty sure in a joking manner that I didn't understand then) that we weren't able to go back in and see Kari since we don't have our stickers..... I cried..... alot....... I don't know why that memory is still in my mind but it is.... and I can't say that I remember much other about her being born other than that. Kari has always been a source of happiness in my life in one way or another.... whether it was her just being there as a really good friend over the last 10 years or so or back in our younger days when my dad was in a hospital bed in the living room from his motorcycle wreck and my mom hears Lori and myself running upstairs yelling "Mom, mom... Kari's in the washer and she turned it on".... Of course my mom didn't believe us until my dad yelled back that he heard the well pump running..... we all still laugh about that. And I'm sure that Lori and I did all kinds of needless harassing of Kari but all 3 of us were always close.... and we still are. It's hard living a few states away because I can't hang out with them like we used to but it makes the times that we can hang out that much more fun and special. I think its kind of funny how life never seems to go the way we expect it to. Kari is the youngest of us 3 and always was noted as the "crazier" one.... The one who just floated around looking for trouble -- not in a criminal kind of way but in the way a kitten does..... And of course Lori and I are both still as single as they come and Kari is the one that's married and still the head gymnastics coach at the Greensburg YMCA. She showed us, I guess! It's so hard to explain emotions such as these.... as Kari walked down the aisle I cried.... when she danced with my dad, I cried..... I just cried a lot..... being so happy for someone so close to you is overwhelming.... Of course she's still with us and always a part of our family but now we have to share her. I'll admit, John is a great guy to share her with if she has to be shared..... but she still is -- and always will be -- my baby sister. Congratulations, Kari and John! I love you both and you will continually be in my prayers as I ask God to bless your marriage and your home and hopefully someday soon I'll be "Uncle Bob" and you two will be great parents! Labels: family, harkins, john, kari, marriage, mertz, wedding (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Monday, March 23, 2009 |
The Nagging Wife
When you hear so many men talk about their wives you generally hear a reference to her nagging. Its so often about the "nagging wife" that all of the good stuff is hidden. Our distorted views of reality are so hard to overcome and it gets worse and worse with every passing moment.For me, one of the things that I want more than anything is a wife and kids to love but anytime I mention it I generally end up hearing about how I don't want to get married and how my life is over when I do.... and it goes on from there. I suppose it's possible that I'm just a single guy and there is no way that I could ever begin to understand but I tend to think the problem is not with me. We think that everything is supposed to be just perfect and we have the right to get angry when things are not perfect but the reality is perfection is boring. If everything was perfect, there would be no excitement. Let me tell you about my life. I own my own house and I run my own business and I have no one to tell me what to do. I do what I want when I want. I have the life that most people dream of having but like almost anything that anyone dreams of there is no reality mixed in with that dream. When people find out that I run my own business and I own my own house they think that I must be the happiest person in the world, however, reality is that it's not the case. In fact, there are so many times that I seriously debate looking for a job and giving up this self-employed thing. People fail to see that things like health insurance are luxuries to the self-employed and that is just one of the many things that someone with a job takes for granted. I live alone and I don't have anyone nagging me and therefore, I must be happy. Reality there is that part of the reason I want to get married is to have someone that will keep me in check. If you walk into my house right now you'll likely be crawling over stuff. While I have free reign over my house I lack any kind of motivation -- and that's a disaster for me and I'm sure many other people as well. To top that off, I have no set time that I need to be at work. There is no structure and to make it even worse, with the way my business is set up, set schedules would be tough to do. It sounds great to be able to wake up and decide to sleep in if you still feel tired but, again, there is no motivation. Why should I rush to get myself up and moving when I can go to the data center when I want? The problem is the sun starts setting and I'm still in bed. And people laugh at me. Oh they laugh. Everyone seems to think that if they were in my position they could do it so much better than me. Some might. Of course, it is true that the grass really might be greener on the other side. The problem just might be that we're all losing sight of structure. We've seen the checks and balances disappear from our government and we see the mess that has been created along with so many other examples. In the movie "The Matrix", the agent explains to Neo that the first version of the matrix was programmed to be a perfect world but the humans couldn't deal with that. We can't. We really can't. A big reason of this is the concept of ying and yang. How can something be good if we don't first know what bad is? Even if there is a constant hum of something in your house you stop hearing and acknowledging it after some time but if you have something that constantly makes a different noise, you'll never get used to that. I guess maybe that's the true definition of a "boring life"? As a society we need to start looking at some of the negative things as good things. No one wants to see the bad things or to deal with pain in so many situations but we really need to start respecting those bad things as something that will make us a better person and help us live a better life. I'm pretty sure this is a big part of why God created Eve. God said that Adam needed a helper and I think that became true when God gave us our own free will. We make a mess out of it but at least if there is more than one person working together there is a much better chance of things staying in check so please stop looking at your wives as just someone who nags you but, rather, realize that she is a gift from God to help you -- even when it doesn't feel like it. Labels: ***, free will, marriage, society (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Monday, June 11, 2007 |
I guess in my psycho-analyzing mind, I'm realizing that the failure of relationships may just be the fact that they are designated as relationships. All of us limit ourselves in ways that each one can't realize. There is something that we allow to control us... and often, there are things that we believe will always control us. This isn't the way God intended it tho.... Actually, God gives us all our own free will so that we can make our own choices. This is the way that we were designed and when we allow anything to control us, we are held to expectations of whatever it is that controls us. The person or object that controls us will vary between person to person. Some are addicted to drugs, some pornography, some alcohol.... some let a parent or an ex or a friend control them.... others allow situations to control them. Each one of these controlling factors carries some sort of an expectation.... drugs have the expectation that you will give your body more drugs.... pornography has the expectation that you will spend hours at your computer throwing time away.... when you get into another person controlling someone, the expectations that are possible are and endless list. The point is, while so many of these things can be great at first, it eventually comes to a point where the expectations are greater than you wanted and all of a sudden you are trapped and the relationship with that person, addiction, or thing suddenly isn't all that great.... disaster ensues. If you think of the social scenario of "dating", it doesnt take long before you see where expectations come into the picture. In one look at the other person, expectations (and assumptions) are made instantly.... sadly, it's often all based on physical attraction. Before even your first words are said, each person has at least one expectation.... from there on out, that game seems to be convincing yourself that those expectations were wrong.... You're already behind the gate because your not starting at 0 ... you're actually starting at a negative because your not going into the scenario trying to learn who someone really is but your going into a scenario where you have to first realize that they are not who you thought they were.... if you make it past that point, then you can begin learning who someone is.... but I think most relationships die before this point. The second that we form a "relationship" (meant in the romantic sense), we essentially doom that friendship from flourishing. Oh, it's true.... many people go on to get married..... but don't you think that may explain why the divorce rate is so high? I've been told so many times that I shouldn't go looking for love and that I should just let it find me.... maybe the answer to a relationship isn't love but finding someone that you can share your life with. Oh, love is an important part -- but we're supposed to be loving everyone. And sure, there is love in a marriage ... there has to be. But maybe the problem is that we are so focused on loving and being loved and at the same time we're focusing on finding someone that is completely unlike anyone else inside of that love. I guess the point is this.... even if I'm waiting for love (romantic) to find me, I can not be expecting it because any expectation at all can truly taint the awesomeness of what is possible. Instead, maybe it is best to look for the love that we should love everyone with and find someone that makes sense for us and someone we can trust and they can trust us.... Before Adam and Eve ate of the fruit they had no knowledge of good and evil and they were taken care of..... things were as they were and they had no shame..... I guess maybe if we completely close the idea of what romantic love is and isn't, it really will find us -- maybe long before we even realize it found us.... and that, quite possibly, is the scenario that would result in the best marriage ever -- a marriage with no expectations of what the other person should or shouldnt be but only expectation of commitment (ie. being faithful to that person and not cheating, etc). Labels: ***, family, friendship, marriage, relationships (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved
BibleBoy's Blog by Bob K Mertz is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
