Wednesday, June 18, 2008 |
What I want
There have been a lot of things going on with multiple friendships and with organizations, jobs, and churches that all seem to fall back to a similar theme. They are things that desperately need to be taken control of. The anxiety issues that I have been having are continuing on but I think it's kind of narrowing down as to what the cause of the majority of the issues are. Its a hard thing to try to understand your purpose but when it seems that your purpose is the opposite of what you are prepared and equipped to be it just makes it a lot harder. Once of the biggest things that I have realized is that I try too hard to be the person that someone wants me to be. This is true for pretty much every human on earth but I think it goes a little over the edge with me because it seems that my compassion for helping people motivates me to be there for someone and to help them with things they need beyond my abilities. In doing this I lose sight of the things that I want and need and I completely lose focus of myself until these anxiety spells start hitting. Sometimes it is very hard for me to remember what it is that *I* need and the things that *I* desire. Unfortunately with the life that I generally end up living I constantly feel that the things I need and want are asking way too much and I silence myself when I should speak up. It's very hard caring for people in the state they are when they don't have the capacity to care for you back but that is part of compassion. The problem is that when you end up in a situation where its not just that they aren't able to care but its that they don't even desire to respect you. This situation occurs in my life over and over and over again. Why? Simply because I don't stand up for who *I* am and what *I* need. What do I need? I need to be loved for who I am and respected for who I am. I am not the perfect person and I'm, quite possibly, one of the worst... but I am me and I try my best. I fail... I fail a lot. I can't always drop my entire life to help someone but it is going to kill me when I can't. I need to be able to feel appreciated even when I can't do what it is that is asked of me. I need encouragement.... Lots of it. I try my best to encourage everyone else and I'm often left feeling that I really am not making an impact and that I shouldn't even bother anymore. Most of the time I think I end up talking into the wind... There is no confirmation that I was at least heard. I need to be told when I am doing something right and/or helpful and not only told when I'm screwing something up. I will certainly screw things up and I do want to be told when I do but if all I'm ever told is when I'm doing something wrong then all I know is that I'm fighting a losing battle and should move on to somewhere that I can actually be making a difference. I need to be a part of what I am working on. If I really can't be a part of the people or the project then I don't believe that there is anything that I can do that is going to be effective. I need to be trusted. If I am not trusted then I am not going to feel a part of whats going on and I know for a fact that I am not going to be able to help. I need cooperation. I can't do anything on my own and even if I could it wouldn't be worth it. If I am fighting for something or working towards something but no one else wants to be part of it then it's a futile effort. Most of all -- I need people to remember that I am human and that there is a good chance that the things I am dealing with elsewhere are probably much larger than what you know -- in fact, I can pretty much assure you of that because I try, often too hard, to hide what is going on with me for the sake of the person I'm trying to be there for or the project I am working on. Even if I do manage to help in some minor way it does not mean that I am superhuman. Labels: church, emotional pain, emotions, friendship, jobs, needs, volunteer (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Saturday, March 01, 2008 |
The "Religious Right" strikes again
It is appauling to me that the biggest hinderance to God's Church growing isn't the homosexuals or the adulterers or the ACLU or the KKK but, instead, it is the conservative Christians. I think yet another picture of this has been painted by the recent "scandal" between John Hagee and John McCain.See McCain Faces Fire Over Minister's Views. Don't get me wrong... I do think that John Hagee is a very good preacher and I can't say that everything that he said about the catholic church is wrong BUT at the same time, attacking another denomination is exactly the opposite of what we need to be doing. But the catholics aren't in the clear either. John Hagee attacks the catholics so they do exactly what Jesus would do and turn the other cheek, right? Not quite. In today's churches it is important to strike back because God can't be honored if we don't? It's seriously pathetic what has become of the Church. It's all about which denomination is better anymore.... the church has become no better than any major corporation in America. It's a sad sad thing that we've let the concept of corporate America even think about entering an organization that is supposed to be about Love and Unity..... and yet, it hasn't just enetered but its BECOME a corporate entity. We, as Christians, question why we are seen as hippocrits and we act like that answer isn't right in front of our face - we flat out our! Think of the typical Christian Church today. The preacher preaches about how God is Love and cares about everyone on week and then the next we talk about how homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to associate with the church. Yes, I believe that homosexuality is a sin but that is MY BELIEF and it is NOT for me to use to attack those that are homosexuals. Each man is judged by God and God alone and it is not our place to be attacking others. The church then goes out and violently protests against pro-choicers.... even the non-violent protests aren't out of love in any way..... Love would be getting to know the woman who is struggling with an unwanted pregnancy. Again, I am totally pro-life but I feel that I'm smart enough to realize that the actions that the church is taking is only complicating the issue more than it has to be. Instead of convincing women that they need to care for this little child growing inside of them we create a situation where now those women want to have the abortion just to spite us. Back to the issue of McCain and Hagee. I don't have many facts in front of me and I don't have the time right now to look into them. Maybe the catholic church did make deals with Hitler in the past and maybe John Hagee is a biggot..... but these aren't things for me to judge. It is God's place to judge and no one else's..... When we judge and we try to remove the sins from this world we are only doing damage to the Church. Jesus made this very clear: Matthew 13:24-29 Jesus told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared. "The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?' 'An enemy did this,' he replied. "The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?' 'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.' " It's not our responsibility to be uprooting the sins of the world because all we end up doing is creating a mockery of the Church and rendering us completely ineffective. Do we honestly think that God can't move in a world of sin? Do we really think that if we just forget about the sin and focus on loving people no matter what is going to hinder revival? Not according to the book of Acts. When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. (Acts 2:1). Its not about who's right and who is wrong but its about the Church making a mockery out of it's self. Labels: ***, christianity, church, hagee, mccain, politics, unity (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
Thursday, November 16, 2006 |
I think this is what is happening with the church today. Satan is attacking so many churches and it seems that he is succeding at what he is doing but he still hasnt realized that when he attacks one of God's family, he just creates a scenario that brings more people into the kingdom.... In so many cases, Christian's souls regenerate. It's horrible when things happen with a pastor sinning.... considering what happened in Colorado especially.... Does this really make the church look bad? I guess it depends on who you are. If you are someone that is heart and soul against the church, then I'm sure it does -- but its not like anything else doesnt look bad in their eyes either. I think what happens when all of these "scandals" happen is that it becomes a testimony that Christians are actually real human beings -- which seems to be a very common misconception among the non-believers -- and mostly because we feel the need to act like we really are "holier than thou". Think about it.... what's going to happen to the next church that has a "pastorial scandal?" .... Call it a hunch, but I think revival.... Satan may be attacking people and it may look bad but it's really producing something much more amazing. When all of us Christians realize that it's not a bad thing to be human, maybe we'll be given a little more respect from those who are not Christians. (C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved |
(C)2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved
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