Saturday, February 14, 2009

Singles Awareness Day 2009

It's upon us again.... Singles Awareness Day. This is the day that all of us single people are made fully aware of our single status. Some enjoy this and celebrate this day and others are just painfully reminded that they are alone, typically those of us "Nice Guys" who happen to fit what women say they are looking for only to be left behind those guys that women "can't stand".

I actually have a lot that I don't like about "Valentine's Day" and my main opposition to it is that it's a false holiday. What I mean by that is we are supposed to love one another all the time but yet we have to have a holiday to celebrate this? If you look at many relationships you'll find that Valentine's Day is a day where the fights stop and "love" is put in the air which shows a falsehood as to what the relationship really is based upon. Using this same logic I propose that we declare one day a year as "Golf Day" and that day every man goes out to golf. Sounds like a great idea right? What happens in the month that leads up to that day? Those wives that don't like their husbands going to golf will say "hey, you have golf day coming up, wait till then". Sure, this is a humorous look but the same line of thought seems to sneak it's way into Valentine's Day as well, although in a slightly different manner.

Another horrible thing about the holiday is commercialization. Around Christmas there is always the thought of the Jewish kid that doesn't get to enjoy Christmas like everyone else. That thought wouldn't even exist if Christmas wasn't so commercialized. Everyone's beliefs and feelings are the most important thing but when you commercialize something you end up putting the focus on something else. Society makes Christmas a day when EVERYONE has to give and receive presents and the stresses that go along with that are added to everyone so much to the point that no one seems to remember what Christmas is really celebrating. Because Valentine's Day is such a commercialized holiday, the same thing occurs between couples. Now the pressure is on to find the perfect gift or make the perfect moment happen that it's forgotten about what the holiday is supposed to be celebrating... then you add to that those that are single and made to be left out of the commercialized idea of what the holiday is.

I guess, all in all, there really isn't anything that one can do. Valentine's Day is going to continue to exist and people are going to continue to live the way they live. We can only hope that more people would start to realize the importance of love all year around and stop feeling the pressures that mean this day has to be something different. Sure, love really is in the air on this day -- just not any more than any other day of the year. There's just a little more pressure to be something that you may not really be.

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Singles Awareness Day 08

Well, it seems the thought of that evil holiday that rolls around in February is starting to creep up so its about time for me to roll out the decorations.

Happy Singles Awareness Day

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Sunday, October 07, 2007

I honestly can't understand what has been going on recently. I have so many thoughts going through my head and so many things that I want to get on here but I sit down to write something and I'll get started but after typing a while I have to stop. It's not because my thoughts are not good because I really believe that they are but the problem is that once I get started and write a few paragraphs (or sometimes more), I feel like it's totally incomplete so I erase what I wrote and leave the computer.

Quite frankly, a lot of very strange things have been happening with me recently. I can't say any of them are bad but there is definately something different about me. I really do feel like God is about to push me in some new directions and, while this can sometimes make me nervous, I think it often makes those around me more nervous :) It seems when I hit situations like this it requires a huge leap of faith and is almost always something that defies logic. I often face people that lecture me and tell me how off-course I am.... I face people that run in fear because they want to defend me to the latter but they just aren't able to justify it themselves.... I have people that run away just because they don't want to deal with anything.... What I think the scariest part about this is is the fact that no one is ever really there to support me. Sure, God's in it.... but as far as anyone around me, it's all about second-guessing my actions, my beliefs, my intelligence....

What is really starting to get me is that over these years I've grown used to doing this stuff on my own (don't lecture me - I know God is in it - I'm reffering to physical surroundings) and it seems like I'm just training myself to be alone. I'm not fond of it.... I'm not fond of living in this awesome house by myself. I love where I live and I love helping people and being around people but the situations that I have been led in to and the (no doubt God-given) decissions that I have made have really pushed me away from... well, that's just it - I don't know. The only thing I'm really sure about is that being alone is something that is becomming a part of my life and I don't like it one bit.

I don't know where my life is about to go.... I never really do. I just really hope that maybe this is the change that God does that involves me actually finding someone who cares for me and wants to be around me and help me as much as I help her. There are plenty of people in my life for that I care for whole-heartedly but maybe sometime soon I will find the one that not only will do the same for me but actually DESIRES to do it.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

"Yea, we can be friends but its on my terms -- only when it fits my life"

No one has ever actually said that to me in words but it seems like more than half the people I meet say it to me in actions. It goes against what the term "friend" even means. You can't be a friend to someone without letting them know whats going on with you and without genuinely being concerned about whats going on with them. You can't ask a question of how someone is doing and then ignore the fact that you asked it when you find out things aren't going well with them. Additionally, if you really truly are a friend, you'll do what's needed to talk to them -- even if it's not your normal means of communication.

Someone once gave me a sign that explained what a forever friend was..... just like that was a single piece of paper, being called a friend is nothing more than words unless it's backed by actions.

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Monday, February 19, 2007

In some strange way, I'm relaxed right now.... yet, at the same time, I somehow feel frustrated as well... I guess I'm just hitting the point again that I start to feel like I am really all alone in this world.... I have a lot to offer and I really believe that I am a great person to some people.... but I'm only great until someone or something else comes along... Then I'm only a great person when I have something to offer someone and at the same time people interpret me as not needing emotional support... and not needing to be asked how things are going.... someone who doesn't need to have a shoulder to cry on both tangibly and intangibly....

I think some of it I probably am bringing on myself... I mean, I'm not the great person in the world... I have my share of sin and I guess to be honest, I don't deserve to live... thankfully, God's Grace covered that.... but I just have to wonder when (if ever) I will find that one person that I will know that I can fully trust to always care for me and that I will have the same ability to care for that person.... not just to be someone who is a great person until the next greatest thing comes but I want to be someone who is great in the eyes of someone else that no one greater can come along....

But then again, I'm setting the standards for myself too high, I guess... I'm not a perfect person so what do I have that would make me greater than anyone else in someone's eyes?

With all those things on my mind, I don't understand how I still feel pretty relaxed... maybe it's because my physical body isn't giving me an option but to relax... these last few days have consumed quite a bit of me....

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I wonder what the chances are that something really cool will happen to me tomorrow and break the cycle of valentine's day being the worst day of my year.... ok, I can't really say that.... but honestly, aside from one valentine's day when Tiff and I went out to dinner, they have all been pretty crappy....

The good news for the day is that I am feeling slightly better. Last night I was not feeling well at all.... this morning when I woke up, the same was true.... I decided to just relax today until I went to the data center..... being able to just veg and do nothing was really a good thing for me.

Oh, and the snow is BEAUTIFUL!

There really isn't much else to report.... Happy Singles Awareness Day to everyone tomorrow.... Maybe my future wife will walk into the store tomorrow? *sigh* Really, I just would like any kind of a nice surprise.... just something to let me know that someone is actually thinking of me.... but I'm not keeping my hopes up.

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I so often feel out of place but yet, I know that there is a purpose for all of it. I mean, no matter where I am there is something that makes me feel like I am way out of place.

First of all, I swear I was born in the wrong year. I act like a completely different age than what I am and I act like someone who has the attitude and values of the early 1900's ... but then again, I tend to be someone who is all about new things... innovations.... and they just don't seem to mix.

Then, of course, I am a Christian.... but yet, I don't fit the stereotype of what people think a "Christian" is so as a result, people don't understand me. I'm honestly glad that I am not like most Christians but yet when I say I am a Christian, all of a sudden I'm tagged as someone who is holier than thou and will never do things such as drink alcohol, or go to a club, or whatever else may be happening. So, of course, no one invites me anywhere.... I don't fit in with the Christians tho because I have different attitudes.... so I'm left with this little group of people that often seems to only consist of me.

And now I live in Northern VA which is an area of a huge amount of greed.... every man for himself and money is the sign of success.... yet, I grew up as a country boy where we are all about helping each other.... so I try to help where I can and I get tagged as a "freak" because it's just not normal to help people or to think about someone other than yourself..... and of course, if it's a girl, I automatically have other motives.....

I am a geek at heart.... I like computers so that means that I automatically hate people, right? No one takes the time to realize that I am a human being who really enjoys being around people.... actually, I NEED to be around people.... but geeks are odd and no one wants to stick around them unless they have a computer problem....

I just fit into all the wrong stereo types.... ones the describe exactly who I am NOT.... and at the end of the day, I'm left as a lonely person because no one understands me.... but the biggest problem of all isn't that no one understands me but that they just don't care to look at my heart and find out who I really am.

It's really tough but I do know that there is a reason that God has put me when and where I am.... there is a purpose whether I feel it or not. I don't understand why so many horrible things happen to me.... and I really don't understand why I can't just be blessed with a friend who is someone that will always be there for me no matter what.... While it's not neccesary, I still so often feel like Moses before he had Aaron.... And when it comes to relationships, I can't understand why God has chosen for me to be alone for now.... but He is God and I am not.... so all I can do is trust Him and pray that he would someday bring some really strong friendships into my life and eventually bring that one special girl into my life who thinks that I am worth more and worth standing by me no matter what happens.

I deal with the pain of a broken heart so many days of my life.... and sometimes it seems my heart just ends up in even smaller pieces... every now and then someone comes into my heart that seems to care about who I am... they start helping me pick up some of the pieces but then they realize that the job is more than they had expected and they leave, dropping the pieces they picked up and breaking them into even smaller ones.

So now here is my disclaimer... this post isn't because I'm depressed or anything.... I'm doing ok.... sure, I have some struggles but I'm hanging in there.... I'm just trying to get some thoughts down.... and if I put it here and someone happens to understand what I'm talking about, well, maybe it can be a source of comfort to them.... thats actually the prayer I have for my entire blog.... I show some really deep feelings that I have here because maybe there is someone else out there who just really needs to hear that they are not alone.... thats why I allow myself to post negative feelings at times....

At any rate, if your in the north east, I hope you're enjoying the snow.... it's beautiful down here as long as your not on the roads.... and it has nothing to do with the roads and everything to do with the fact that people around here just simply can not drive.... you'd think a dusting of snow was the apocalypse.

Hope you all have a great week!

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Sometimes this emotional roller coaster is a lot worse than other times.... last night into today has been one of those times. One hour of the day, I feel great... then all of a sudden, my mind just messes with me, I guess. The only thing that is seemingly constant is this nagging feeling of loneliness. And I don't know what, if any, solution there is for that... I mean, I can feel extreme loneliness in the presence of many other people. I could be having a great time talking to people and yet, still, I feel lonely.

Things are definately a lot better know that I am working at Fox Mill Pets and I am interacting with people -- and doing something that I feel is much more rewarding than any data center job I've had. There is no doubt that it is better.... on that whole aspect of my life, I am so much better than I was 4 months ago... and especially a year or two ago while working for Carpathia. Things are getting better.... but I guess it's that nagging going on that I am 26 and I really want to have a family to care for and care for me....

I don't know what the answer to this day is...


(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Monday, January 01, 2007

Well, first post of 2007 I guess.... and I'd like to take this moment to thank Ryan Sechrist and the rest of Dick Clark's crew for making me just feel a little more pathetic.... They say more than 50% of everyone will kiss someone for new years and they had to rub it in by saying that just about every person in new york city was kissing someone.... thanks for that.

So I'm really hoping that 2007 does bring me some meaning.... We'll see what God does.... the fortunate thing is that I am not the 2006 Darwin Award Recipient:

(2006, England) The Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who, uh, remove themselves from it...

Like two people, 17 and 20, who imitated Darth Vader and made light sabres from fluorescent light tubes. That's right, they opened up fluoresceent tubes, poured gasoline inside, and lit the end... As one can imagine, a Star Wars sized explosion was not far behind. One died, the other survived to 'fess up to their creative, but stupid, reenactment.

Darwin says: "Some moderators say 17 is too young, but I disagree. This one passes the "minors rule" because 17 is legal driving age. Old enough to pump gas is old enough to know not to light it."

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Sunday, December 31, 2006

about a half hour until 2007..... Lisa and I sit here waiting for it...... I had figured that I would just go to bed but Law and Order occupied the time so I might as well watch the ball drop, shed my first tears of 2007, pray that the year brings someone special in my life, and head to bed.

So this will most likely be my last post for 2006. Happy New Year! Hope yours is better than mine.

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

(C)2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved
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