Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Waitress gets $10k Tip

These are the kinds of things that need to happen in the world more often. Completely self-less people helping people in need. God has given me similar blessings and I really pray that some day I am able to be the person God uses to bless someone in this type of way..... I guess this is why I like the country way of life - it's not about who is better than the other but rather about the needs of others.

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Someone pinch me... please :) Me buying a house is now even more than a reality!

So we put in a contract yesterday asking for a lower selling price and for the seller to pay closing costs and today they accepted it..... The home inspection will probably be on Friday or on Monday.... I just can't believe all of this, really. God truly is amazing.... not only did he provide for my taxes but He also took the bread and fish and multiplied it to provide this as well. Amongst all of this, God provided for me to also help out with New Life's building fund which is something that I thought there would be no possible way for me to do.

It's amazing how God can multiply anything and provide for multiple things all at the same time. It is completely unbelievable!

Please continue to keep me in your prayers.... I am excited, I am thankful... and I'm also very scared -- which I suppose is only natural.... but God provides and I know He will continue to.

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Monday, April 16, 2007

So I guess it's time for a little bit of an update since I've been slacking on the "me news" recently.... There have been a lot of things that have gone on and there still are some directions that are unknown -- but thats something that will always be present in my life because I want my life to be about helping those who need help and that means going where I can be the most help.

Today was a huge turning point for me.... but some of the changes happened a few weeks ago when I had a conversation with Tiff.... and there is a reason why I didn't mention that back then. The biggest problem wasn't that I missed Tiff and I wanted to be back with her... the reason why she consumed so much of me was because I wanted to have answers to something that seemed to be a focus of her hiding. What I wanted to know is that she was a good person and that she was, in fact, capable of telling the truth.

I guess it's kind of like the situation of someone dying without you being able to tell them something that was on their heart. All you want is to be able to talk to them and say good bye and exchange anything that either of you feel needs to be exchanged. To me, Tiff died and I never got any closure to anything. It was a long and drawn out battle... years and years and years went by and it destroyed a part of me.... tho hindsight can see that when a part of you is destroyed, it's often to make room for a part of you that is better. I knew Tiff lied to me time after time and I knew that she lied about lying to me as well.... and for the past 2 years I wanted to hear something that would really hurt me but yet, anytime that came up, all I was given was a lie. I wanted to know that it wasn't ALL a lie.... I wanted to know that at least something was real -- but when a lie was put on top of a lie, you can only imagine that everything was a lie. Tiff told me a few weeks ago that she is back with Jim. I now know that she is capable of telling the truth.... and she is capable of being a good person.

See, here's the thing. For the past 2 years, I really honestly never wanted to be back with Tiff but there were a few times that I let it appear to be going in that direction because I felt it was the only way that I could get closure.... I learned about a year and a half ago that Tiff wasn't ANYTHING that I wanted for my future wife.... and I also learned that whether or not she cheated on me in actions with Jim I knew that she did in thoughts and I learned that that was where she was meant to be. Simply put, I knew that Tiff needed to die within my mind but I didnt want her to die with the horrible image that I had.... I wanted her to die in my mind on a good note -- and help me put this bitterness aside.

It's been pretty earth shattering since then. Tiff asked me why I let her tell me the truth and then just wanted to walk away and I told her because it's what was needed... it's what has been needed and was well overdue. I don't want her in my life and I really havent for the past year or so.... I just wanted to have something to hold on to.... and because I did really care for her, I wanted to know that she was ok.

Jesus said that we need to give Him all of our burdens and He will give us rest... and over the past few weeks, a lot of burdens have been lifted from me.... some really huge ones that literally bring tears to my eyes. Finally closing the final chapter on Tiff has been extremely life changing.... and the financial burdens that have arose in the past month or so were miraculously lifted today... and most importantly, the miracles that God has performed has really restored my faith in the fact that He really is taking care of me no matter how bad it may seem at times. Because of that renewed faith I have had a lot of bondage lifted from me.... a lot of the things that I have struggled with seem almost non existent right now... Right now I sit here writting this blog and I realize that the eyes that I see the world through right now are so different than the ones that I saw through 2 or 3 weeks ago... I have dealt with a lot of struggles.... my faith has come close to totally disappearing... but as has always been true in my life, God will let things get messy for a while because I need to learn new lessons and I need to be prepared for "my next mission" ... and whatever the next thing is that God has for me is something that I usually don't know.... but God knows me and He knows when I need just a little something to give me a little boost. The singleness has really been hammering me hard recently... and my faith in ever finding someone special became extremely numb... last week someone asked me to the prom. Yea, there are some things to laugh about there but there is more seriousness to that than it might seem. I do look really young so she wasn't real sure of my age.... but you know, that gave me something to keep holding on to. True, it was something that wouldn't materialize BUT having someone see something in you that would push them to do something that they normally wouldnt do can really make you feel good about yourself.... and it really did remind me that there are girls out there that will find something about me that they don't see in anyone else.... and ultimately I will find a girl that sees something in me that she can't live without and vice versa.

I am really thankful for the fact that I have this blog. I'm thankful for everyone that reads it (even the ones who read it because they are "out to get me").... This blog is my life and the purpose of it is to show both the good and the bad and hopefully it will touch people.... Honestly, if keeping this blog and going through the horrible experiences that I go through ends up helping even just one person -- then it's all worth it. And I really love the people who try to throw salt on my wounds by spreading the news that I made a depressing post or try to say "oh look, Christian boy is hurting" .... actually, its not really salt -- it's more like peroxide... whether it hurts or not it cleans out the wound and makes me stronger -- probably the whole reason why I had the wound in the first place.

Life is all about helping people, loving people, and being honest..... The greatest fruit of the Spirit is Love.... and you can't love people and lie to them or love people and not want to help them.... so I guess it all really does go back to that.... and being honest about the fact that we don't always feel happy is, in my opinion, a very important part of being able to help people.... we really can't help anyone if they have any view that we're not human and have no possibility of understanding what they are going through. Rarely does anyone know exactly what the other person is going through but the people that have been through more can come closer to those who have had the poster "perfect life".

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Sometimes one of the greatest mysteries about the mind is the subject of dreams.

I remember years ago getting my first computer. It was a Tandy Color Computer 3 (TRS-80). You really couldn't call it a computer based on today's standards of what a computer is and does.... but this machine gave me a baseline and got my interest going even more than it already had.

One thing about this machine was it had a few easter eggs. One of these was holding down a key combination while turning it on or resetting it and you would be shown an image of the 3 major developers of the platform. There was also a program that turned the contents of the RAM into a display of garbled text and characters.

This is not meant to be technical but only an analogy. I remember running this program and watching what came on to the screen. I questioned why text contents of a program ran hours ago were displayed and, yet, programs that ran only seconds ago seemed to not have their place. I guess this is the same question I have of the human mind.

God embeds in each one of us a number of things that make us who we are. Unique to everyone else. It is the contents of our memory that makes us the most unique, however, there are variations in our embedded programming that truly make us unique from the time of birth. All of these lead to things that provide some type of force.... whether that force be changing the lives of others or just reminding us of who we are. At times our minds run this program that dumps the memory and all of a sudden we are questioning why.... why was one aspect of our lives seemingly important and yet another one that we thought should be in reality was not.

Dreams are sometimes that memory dump. I believe that God does use dreams and I also believe that many people read too much into dreams. No matter what, dreams are something that our mind uses to give our hearts feedback and in some occasions, just the opposite. I believe that the latter is the most likely time that God is directly involved.

Just last night that very thing was true of me. For so long I have been so incredibly proud of the fact that I have remained a virgin. I still remain proud of that fact but recently I had found myself questioning why I am bothering. In the recent year I have lost a lot of really special relationships and in at least two of those cases I believe that my desire to wait for marriage was to blame. I questioned why it was worth it to abstain from something I wanted so bad when all it was doing was preventing something else that I also wanted so badly -- a relationship. I found myself starting to believe that some people would maybe desire me more if I wasn't standing in the way of something they desired so badly -- apparently something that was so important that the matter of a friendship was misplaced.

Last night I had a dream.... I stood at a counter talking to 3 girls. The girl on the end was one of the most attractive and cutest girls that I had seen. She looked up and smiled at me so intently that it moved my heart in a tremendous way. I found myself explaining lots of things about my life.... the I mentioned my desire to wait for marriage and immediately the other 2 girls said something to the effect of me really capturing the heart of this third girl. I looked over at her and she had the biggest smile that was possible and it also appeared that she had tears in her eyes.

This morning when I woke up I remembered that dream vividly and I was reminded of why I have the desire to abstain: because my future wife deserves it. I have been struggling with the thoughts that I will never find her but I have so strongly been reminded that she is out there and that when God introduces us (if he hasnt already), it is going to be nothing short of miraculous.

It's extremely hard to understand why we are who we are. We know that our experiences and our emotions make us that person but we never really understand how that process works. One thing is for sure -- God has designed us in His image and has made us perfect in His sight. Why our mind holds one thing and not another is a mystery that only God understands. We may begin to understand the organics of our mind and be able to see reactions to stimuli but in the same wat that those 3 developers knew the workings of my first computer in a way that I would never be able to understand no matter how much I tried, it is God -- and only God -- that fully understands the mysteries of our minds.

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Friday, February 23, 2007

There has been a lot going on with me... both personally and realted to my volunteering at New Life. Despite all the huge issues, I really am looking at this as a positive thing.... The creative arts tech wrote this on his blog and I think it expresses A LOT of what I am feeling right now. God is good!

its been awhile since i've posted.

i just felt the need to do it now, to let you know whats going on.

this Sunday we are start our building campaign called "More Than We Can See". we've been working crazy hard to make this the best thing our church has ever done. i personally have worked a lot of hours making videos better than i ever have before. its hard work, but its incredibly rewarding hard work. i've gotten video sent from churches all over the country thanking us for the impact we've had on church planting. i don't say that to boast, because frankly i had very little to do with any of it. this has been a God thing since day one and He's the one who gets the credit for it. some of you may not understand all this, and it would take me a long time to explain it, but there's no way to simply and quickly explain how we're involved in church planting. i can say that its really mindboggling to know that i'm apart of something so incredibly big. that i'm apart of churches in cities and states that i've never been too.

the building campaign is for 3 buildings that will mostly be community centers. we may have church services in them, but for the most part they will be for the community to use. we're also excited about what God is going to do through us in these community centers. as all of our work to communicate the importance of these community centers, and as we begin to ask people to struggle with their role in all this, and as people begin to give sacrificially to reach the $12 million goal a disturbing series of events are occuring. many of us are experiencing things that just cannot be accredited to coincidence. on wednesday, i figured that i had started my car 7 times. on the 7th time when i'm heading back to my office to film some people talking about their testimonies my car brakes down. from my understanding belt tensioners don't just snap off of your engine. my bosses car needs a new transmission. another woman i work with her car pretty much broke down for no reason, the Ford specialist were even puzzled. people are getting sick left and right. orders we place are getting lost in shipping. my wife fell twice in the last week, once on ice another on the escalator at the metro. i love my wife, but she has a long history of falling. right now she has dislocated left knee cap, which is painful but not as bad as it sounds. she won't need surgery or anything, just rest and once the swelling goes down she'll be o.k. her right leg is scraped and bruised thanks to the teeth on the stairs of the escalator. anyone who knows me knows i'm not the type to accredit every bad thing that happens to me to the devil trying to take me out. however, knowing whats on the horizon for us as a church, knowing how God is going to stretch us and change us and bless us through this, and at the same time seeing all of us dealing with broken cars and sicknesses, and everything else that distracts us from getting our jobs done one can only surmise that the devil is PISSED! its encouraging in a sense because in a odd way it means we must be doing something right. people are making bold moves towards God and thats a really really good thing. so thats whats been going on with me. i had a video uploaded, but our server that was hosting it got hijacked, so if i get it uploaded again soon i'll post here. oh yeah, someone hacked our e-mail/webserver last week. just more thing on the list of things that have come up against us.

hee hee hee, silly devil.

luv u guys!

From: Shadow-Zone

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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The world keeps looking for something perfect.... and in my own life, I keep looking for that perfect someone.... but I've had a huge reminder this weekend that perfect people do not exist... It's not a perfect person that we need but an honest person. People make mistakes and if we can't get over someone's past, then we'll never get to know who they truly are.... The thing is, it's not about who they were but about who they are.

It's no wonder that we all walk around totally discouraged.... We're looking for something that we're just not going to find. The perfect car or the perfect house.... but the perfect car breaks down too.... just the same as the plumbing can be a problem in a house.... True, the newer the cars are or the houses are, the less problems there are -- but they build up over time and we eventually realize that they, too, are not perfect. If we put a huge amount of faith into those items then it's a huge let down when they do let us down. There is so much beauty in imperfection... and we miss that beauty because we're so caught up in in perfection that we miss the beauty hidden in that which is imperfect.

A lot of people have always said to me about how finding someone exactly like you can create a huge problem.... Opposites attract.... and all that fun stuff. If that is true, and it seems like there is a good amount of truth to that, doesnt it seem logical that our idea of a perfect person is actually the worst possible person for us?

Enough getting caught up in these rules and these checklists.... sometimes the connection is all you need... and the rest just seems to fit into place -- no matter how different the puzzle pieces may seem. Miracles do happen.... even if it means puzzles pieces morphing into different shapes.

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -- 2 Corinthians 12:10

I have been laying in bed just thinking.... cant sleep.... but what is really getting me is that I started 2007 out being pretty down.... it seemed to get worse hour by hour... and I found myself getting more and more discouraged.... But Im learning all over again that sometimes when God seems like He is far away, He is actually closer than ever.... It really is a reminder of what God layed on my heart a while ago.... actually, multiple times. It is the times that you feel like you have absolutely no control that God is able to do something miraculous..... and that miracle may not mean anything to anyone... except you. It may come from someone saying something that comforts you in ways that no one can even realize. Sometimes its just amazing the little things that can make more of an impact than they were even meant to.

I think 2007 is going to be a great year..... and it took a total stranger to show me that. This may be the year when strangers turn into best friends and best friends turn into strangers. I do know one thing that 2007 is not going to be any different that previous years: Its going to be another year of changes, choices (sometimes seemingly illogical ones), risks, faith, and most of all, miracles.

Its time for that word again....


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(C)2003-2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved

(C)2008, Bob K Mertz - Some Rights Reserved
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